“Core Belief” The operating system

While we squander away our time on this planet, willfully wasting it on the mundane the heart occasionally reminds us of this ………..

“Has that magical moment arrived?”

“Is now the time to be all that we can be?”

“If not now ……When? 

Strange are these times in which a child begins his journey on the planet learning all sorts of superfluities and then engages more and more so deeper and deeper further and further without ever for even a moment having been  introduced to this phenomenon we call “Life”.

But then again who is to be blamed?

This has been our scenario for a while now (170 – 200 years are only a while in 20,000 years of human existence and 4.5 billion years of earth’s history). A few generations (at least 3) have gone by living this kind of a life, so in effect there were not many people left to point out this simple fact to us. Couldn’t blame them either as they were oblivious to it too.

It’s as if a parent buys a car for a child and explains to him in great details about the mechanics and technology of the car engine, ways to operate the multimedia on board, how to save fuel, the traffic rules etc (science, arts, math, economics, law etc) but doesn’t teach him how to DRIVE.

Based on the assumption that the in depth teachings on various aspects pertaining to the car would somehow make up for driving skills too!!!!!!

Crazy ????

But isn’t that our life??……….

 isn’t this example is an illustration of our times and lives ?

Pause for a while and ponder………

We are so sick and tired of bumping into unpleasant people, unwanted circumstances and impasse situations that we have not even for a moment bothered to investigate into the cause.

We like most others are surrounded by a sea of people burdened by superfluities and unaware of the necessities. Bumping the cars of our lives into one another precisely because none of us know how to drive.

We have been instilled from our very childhood certain basic ideologies which only for the lack of questioning and examination have solidified themselves into the seeming “Truths”.

These are our operating system, our “core beliefs”, essentially who we are.

 We have become, in our current state, a patchy product of other people’s ideas of reality and ourselves. The ideas that they had about life, reality and identity were randomly installed within ourselves. Through parents and families, through education and societies, through religions and popular culture etc we have been indoctrinated into a mass hypnosis. One that paralyses our ability to look at life as it is, to ask questions of real value, to pursue goals of fulfillment and to harmonize our individual existence with all that is. We have been so totally entrenched into the ideas of “struggle for existence” and “survival of the fittest”, so early on, that once we were up and about there never was any time for introspection and self enquiry.

So is now the time?

Is now the moment for introspection and self inquiry?

Yes …………. if you feel misplaced, misaligned, and not at ease in life now otherwise not.

And how does the introspection begin? Where does the self inquiry start?

The answer lies in these few questions………..

How am I feeling? à Why am I feeling the way I am feeling? à What concepts about myself, nature of reality and existence should I be holding to experience what I am experiencing now?

And the change ……….. A shift into a more harmonious realm of reality which is more conducive to ones real nature, more supportive of one’s dreams and desires

Can be arrived to via further questioning

What would I need to believe to bring my dreams to fruition? à What ideas and concepts about myself, nature of reality and existence should I hold and which ones should I discard to make me more joyful, creative and successful? à What idea of my own self should I deem as true to make all this happen?

Strange last line isn’t it?

 “What idea of my own self should I deem as true to make all this happen?”

So there is an idea of my own self which I carry which requires my approval ????

Wait a minute so which one of these is me ????

.........

ADHESIONS

ADHESIONS

As I walked into the department of physiotherapy to check on a particular patient’s progress yesterday, I was overwhelmed. The whole place was filled mostly with my post-operative patients. Smiles and pleasantries were exchanged with many. Some thanked me for the surgery others informed me about their progress but amidst all this I was being overwhelmed by something else.

An entire hall sized room filled with people on walkers, sticks and crutches struggling to regain their lost range of motion across the operated joints. Struggling to regain their pre-operative agility, aided by various modalities of physiotherapy.

“My god I did this to them ……” I felt it in a rather apologetic fashion instead of a resplendent or conceited manner.

As an orthopedic surgeon trauma surgeries comprise a bulk of my surgical routine……smashed knees,crushed shoulders, extremities that need reconstruction etc are a part of a daily routine. Once operated the patient needs to undergo “Immobilization” of the operated part to allow it to heal adequately and appropriately.

“Immobilization” is a precarious friend. Too less of it and you would end up in a re-fracture, too much of it and one ends up in an almost intractable stiffness.
It is a necessity, but one that needs to be precisely calibrated.

Something deep within was seeing me as responsible for the struggles of these patients too, but in a very impersonal fashion.

True they required the surgeries, true that if it were not for the surgery they would have lost the function of that limb for life, true that post surgical immobilization is a must for adequate healing and very true that this process would always lead to stiffness across the immobilized joint but all this was pointing me to something deep within.

The body is a dynamic process it responds to your repeated needs and can raise or diminish its functional capacity as per your basal demands.
That is to say that it’s the same human body when subjected to repeated basal stress of gym exercises day in and day out that transforms itself into a professional body builder and it is the same human body shielded from all stresses that becomes a couch potato.
Similarly when subjected to immobilization for a prolonged period the joint accepts a particular position as itself and develops “Adhesions” to stay that way, losing its flexible range of motion. It is as if a continuously repeated or practiced position (immobilization) makes the joint forget its capacity for the range of motion.

But something deeper was occupying my concern, I wondered if so evident was the case with the gross body what would be the scenario with the fine mind.

Theoretically it should stiffen much quicker and return to normalcy rapidly too because of its subtle nature.

And upon pondering it was found to be true.

As children we all had conceived a world of all possibilities, none of us had dreamt mediocrity and a life wasted just to earn the daily bread. As children none of us had imagined boredom and jadedness. As children we had pictured a life of an endlessly fulfilling adventure. We may not have exactly known how but we knew it would be so.
But that pluripotent (an immature {cell or stem cell} state capable of giving rise to several different {cell} types of state) state requires differentiation into a particular state for its complete flowering and expression and that demands a prolonged immobilization in a particular position.

That is becoming an Architect, Fashion designer, Engineer, Lawyer, Doctor, Business professional etc demands being with this particular discipline of interest for a prolonged period. Being immobilized (psychologically) in a particular field by attending a particular college, pursuing a particular course.

Then there is immobilization in certain labeled social and emotional roles like boss and subordinate, father and son/daughter, mother and son/daughter, brother and sister, friend of so and so’s, Foe of so and so’s etc……… And before we know it ……..
“Psychological Adhesions”……

We get stiffly fastened and rigidly immobilized within the confines of our role plays.

This is what we term as our comfort zone which in reality is actually nothing but a Discomfort zone.

What can be comfortable about a car that doesn’t move, a ship that doesn’t sail, a plane that doesn’t fly and a life that doesn’t overflow with enthusiasm for this moment and a joyfully restful anticipation of the moments to come.

But let us not rush to blame the society for what it has done to us for that would be like me blaming myself for the stiffness of these patients.
All of us need to be immobilized into certain disciplines and roles for a while in order to gain proficiency in certain areas of life, to be the experts at this, that and the other. And this like fracture treatment is bound to create a certain amount of “psychological stiffness” within us. But we need not continue to bear with this contracted “psychological stiffness” of ours.
Just like a post-operative immobilization patient feels the discomfort in going about his daily routine due to his stiff joints. We too experience emotional claustrophobia as we move about in our lives on a day to day basis. But instead of challenging these “Psychological Adhesions” (stiff psychological stand points, beliefs and role plays), like the fracture rehabilitation patient does with physiotherapy, we try to accustom our lives alongside and around this disabling psychological stiffness.

A sense of anxiety about future, regret about past, listlessness about the present all these and a myriad more shades of jaded emotions remind us of our discomfort arising out of our own psychological adhesions and stiffness.

We need the rehabilitation of psychological physiotherapy to break all our psychological adhesions and restore our full range of psychological motion.

Anything would do……. listening to a soothing piece of music one loves, travelling, painting, hiking, writing, praying, running , dancing , kayaking, Meditating or just sitting silently and enjoying a sunrise or sunset …………

Anything that does not require of you to be the YOU that you have come to believe that you are.

Anything that keeps your identity away and connects you to your own wordless presence.

The you beyond all labels, the you beyond even the concept of you, the you that is effortlessly present in spite and despite your psychological attention, inattention or contemplation.

The technique of being connected with this aspect of yourself is the real religion; the practice of repeatedly reaching that place is true spirituality; the experience of that wordless place is God.

The Malingering (abridged)
[The credit of creating this abridged version goes to my dear friend Abhishek Shukla]

She is 48 years of age and pain has been her constant companion for over two decades now. Perthes disease has destroyed both her hips and the degenerative scoliosis, that set in probably a decade ago, is only making each day more difficult.
With her bag full of investigations, previous prescriptions and treatment records, she met me in my OPD about 2 months ago.
“You don't need to suffer with this!! I could replace both your hips and if need be, correct the scoliosis later on with another surgery!!” I exclaimed even before I could complete my turn and give a meaning to X-Ray box's life's purpose - mounting the x-ray film. Her condition was so obvious...
Too quick and too direct; that’s what it was…I would realize this an instant later.
I gradually lowered the X-Ray film, the barrier between my eyes and hers, a noticeable woebegone air - like a dark halo - had surrounded her. It seemed my words had struck her like Zeus' bolt.
“Wouldn’t you like to go through these reports first” she spoke after an expected silence, seething...
“I don’t have to lady… in factPerthes was my top differential diagnosis the moment you walked into my OPD.Seeing you from a distance of 50 meters - forget these x rays - your gait speaks louder than these reports. And, just like any other doctor, I despise distrust…..” The frontal lobe of the brain is solidly pounded with its social sensibilities and thankfully, none of all this was ever verbalized.
These same social sensibilities simulated a smile and politely undertook the masquerade of going through the heap of papers, wearing a contemplative look, stifling a yawn and wondering what to have for dinner.
“Hmmmm… so please tell me what brings you here?” I asked, having completely exhausted myself, either with the farce of going through the report. Infused with the satisfaction of my sham attention to her records, the lady began speaking. Most of it was a ramble and it continued for a while until my patience weaned and I blurted, “But why are you here now?”
I would never know what worked – the tone of my voice, or all that pent up boredom gushing through the barrage of my patience – but, it had halted her seemingly unending jackhammer of a conversation.
“To be treated of course!” she said defensively.
“Which I have already explained how…So let's discuss only what’s relevant in that regards". I continued.
“But I don’t want to get operated!” she said. I immediately softened because I could almost hear “I cannot afford to get operated", "I am too afraid to get operated", "there is too much at hand currently in my life".
“Pain relief, that’s what you are here for!” (And that’s not treatment, by the way!)
An invisible yes was palpably present even in its auditory absence. A cocktail regime of pain relief was tailor-made as per her requirements and she left.
A fortnight later she arrived in the OPD for follow-up, visibly better than the previous visit.
“So how are you now?” I made a cheerful but redundant remark, I instantly bit my tongue. Off went the train of endless ramblings, obviously confused (considering my diagnosis) I looked at her husband, who had been desperately waiting for an eye contact, which I now realized, instantaneously falsified all her claims in a moment of eye roll.
“But are you okay as long as you take the medicines?” I randomly interrupted at some juncture.
“Yes I am” probably it was the sudden and unexpected arrival of the question amidst the heavy traffic of monologue that brought forth such a short and truthful reply, at least at that instant.
She then went on to describe the side effects she was experiencing; which by the way, do not exist anywhere, in any medical text, on these drugs. I was also made aware of how her life now is even more miserable due to these side effects, albeit without pain.
“These medicines cannot be the cause of the symptoms you are experiencing, they don’t have any such side effect profile!!” with my patience thinned out, I quickly bid adieu to my social pleasantries.
What followed then from this point on, almost on a fortnightly basis, was astounding and annoying at the same time.
As one regimen provided pain relief, she would concoct another set of side effects. As soon as this lady would get better with a particular regimen of pain relief like the first one she would come to OPD and inform me about vague and even fanciful side effects these medicines were having on her. Knowing clearly that no such side effects exist for these drugs I would either inform her so or maintain a disregardful silence regarding the issue……and at the end of each such episode I would find her admitted in the hospital next morning. Admitted at night via emergency due to exacerbation of her proclaimed side effects specially vomiting and fainting.
Then I would change her medicines to new ones and yet the same set of events would recur.
When I saw her admitted for the third time while on plain paracetamol…… I saw red!!!
Then it dawned on me…she was a malingerer!!
It was that time in life where one does a deep dive within to find answers for issues rendered irresolvable.
Why is this experience being given to me??
What do I have to see, learn and assimilate??
This deep dive was effortless as my pent up frustration had already imploded. I was falling, as if through the fabric of space and time, into an unknown place of silence.
And it was there that it happened…
“Do you love your current life position absolutely???” A question seemed to arise
“Not absolutely…”
“Then why don’t you change either??”
“Either??” I wondered…
“The situation or your stance!”
“I mean how can I change this situation…….blah blah(explanations upon explanations) blah blah blah…… and obviously I don’t like it this way so how can I feign to like it i.e. change my stance?”
“Isn't that malingering??”
I felt a sharp stab.
“You complain about your current life situation, wish for a better alternative, resist, ridicule and humiliate the present moment for its ‘not enough-ness’ but when asked to do something concrete about it you shirk behind a barrage of excuses…that’s your vomiting episode… and when asked to change your opinion about the current situation you come out in a firm denial, because you are incapable to change it, stating , “but I don’t like it how can I feign otherwise”, that’s your fainting episode against reasoning.”
“Aren't you malingering your life away??” The knife that had stabbed was turning…slowly…

I was bleeding…
At this juncture you too might have felt an uncomfortable prick if not a stab. I now point this question straight at you, “Do you love your job?”; “Do you love your current life situation?”; “Are you completely at peace with it?” (Excruciating, isn’t it?)
A discomfort encapsulates you now but you have your defense, ready!
“I mean nobody does but it has to be done”; “Bills and EMI’s have to be paid boss!”; “Welcome to the real world, money is the arbitrator of our reality not words and ideas”; “what do you suggest one should do, do you have any better ideas”. If you listen to yourself, you too will hear ‘blah-blah-blah’ in there, somewhere.
To tell you the truth, you are someplace between blatant denial and assertive defensiveness.
And when asked to soften your stance, forget feeling good about the situation (since you cannot change it anyway) the mind goes “this is not what I came looking for, this cannot be the purpose of my life”; “how can I come to terms with it, it is so unfair”; “I deserve much, much better” and a ubiquitous ‘blah-blah-blah’.
As I bled my own reality a great sense of compassion and gratitude arose within me for the lady. At least she paid heed to her physical symptoms, got herself diagnosed and came to know that she is diseased and what exactly that disease is.
But until today I had never even paid any heed to the symptoms – anger, irritation, frustration, lack of love, lack of gratitude and wonderment, lack of compassion – within me.
Until today I had never bothered to even wonder if something was wrong with me, leave alone diagnosing and attempting to cure.
Until today I was living in a defensive premise of “this is normal, everybody is like this”
But it was not possible anymore.
The dagger of honest enquiry had ripped through the veils of egoist mind. The diseases of “self-denial”, “Follow the herd and not your instincts”, “Do things because they have to be done not for the love of doing them”, “Disbelief and Doubt” had suddenly been exposed.
And I was forced to ask myself
“If I am the one sabotaging myself, why is it that I believe so less in my capacities and capabilities?”
“Why is it that I doubt the good that has already come my way, but believe instantly in the most farfetched imaginations of the ominous?”
“Why do I think the way I think, about myself and life?”
“And if it does not serve me well then why do I continue to harbor it within me?”
“If belief is a practiced thought, why then should I harbor such self diminishing, self destructive beliefs within me?”

The Malingering

The Malingering

She is 48 years of age and pain has been her constant companion for over two decades now. Perthes Disease has destroyed both her hips and the degenerative scoliosis that set in probably a decade ago is only making each day more difficult and painful for her.
With her bag full of investigations, previous prescriptions and treatment records she met me in my OPD about 2 months ago.

“You don't need to suffer with this, I could replace both your hips and if the need be correct the scoliosis later on with another surgery” I exclaimed instantaneously amidst a partially completed turn of my chair towards the x ray view box with x ray still in my hands and the view box still awaiting the completion of remaining 60 degrees or so of my turns arc.

Too quick and too direct ………….. that’s what it was…….I would realize an instant later about my response ……..

As I gradually lowered the x ray film, the barrier between my eyes and hers, a woebegone air like an ill halo surrounded her ………. My words had struck like a calamity it seemed.

“Wouldn’t you like to go through these reports first” she spoke after a poignant silence.
“I don’t have to lady …… infact perthes was my top differential diagnosis the moment you walked into my OPD, seeing you from a distance of 50 meters, forget even these x rays …….your gait speaks louder than these reports …. And just like any other doctor I despise distrust…..” but thankfully the larynx is not directly connected with the mind. The frontal lobes of brain intervened with their social sensibilities and none of all this was ever verbalized.
Having given into the social sensibilities I simulated a smile and politely undertook the masquerade of going through the heap of papers wearing a contemplative look.
“Hmmmmmmmnnn …….so please tell me what brings you here?”, I asked, having completely exhausted myself with the farce of going through unnecessary reports and continuing to feign to go through them with my head still buried within them.
Infused with the satisfaction of my sham attention to her records the lady began speaking. Most of it was irrelevant leave alone insignificant and it continued for a while until all my pent up irritation blurted out as “but why are you here now?”.
Was it the tone or the forcefulness of the prohibitive dam of patience giving way I would never know but it had worked. These words had halted the seemingly unending train of her conversation.
“To be treated of course” she said defensively.
“And I have explained it to you already……”
“So let us discuss only what’s relevant in that regards” I continued
“But I don’t want to get operated” she said …….and I softened immediately because I could hear “I cannot afford to get operated, I am too afraid to get operated, there is too much at hand in my current life situation etc etc …..” from behind those words.

“Pain relief that’s what you are here for” (and that’s not treatment by the way)
An invisible yes was palpably present even in its auditory absence. A cocktail regime of pain relief was tailor made as per her requirements and she left.
A fortnight later she arrived in the OPD for follow-up, visibly better than the previous visit.
“So how are you now?” I made a cheerful but redundant remark, I thought (she obviously was better)
And off went the train of endless ramblings, obviously confused I looked at her husband, who had been desperately waiting for an eye contact (I now realized), who instantaneously falsified all her claims in a moment of eye roll and gesture.
“But are you okay as long as you take the medicines?” I randomly interrupted at some juncture.
“Yes I am” probably it was the sudden and unexpected arrival of the question amidst the heavy traffic of monologue that brought forth such a short and truthful reply, at least at that instant.
Of course she followed it up with various complaints about the side effects she was experiencing with these medicines (none of which have ever been noted in any text of medical knowledge anywhere for those drugs)………. And how her life now is even more miserable than before; though without pain but with these side effects now.
“These medicines are not the cause of the symptoms you are experiencing, they don’t have any such side effect profile” with my patience thinned out I was very direct (no intervening social pleasantries).
I could sense her withdrawal ……..
What followed then from this point on, almost on a fortnightly basis, was astounding and irritating simultaneously.
As soon as this lady would get better with a particular regimen of pain relief like the first one she would come to OPD and inform me about vague and even fanciful side effects these medicines were having on her. Knowing clearly that no such side effects exist for these drugs I would either inform her so or maintain a disregardful silence regarding the issue……and at the end of each such episode I would find her admitted in the hospital next morning. Admitted at night via emergency due to exacerbation of her proclaimed side effects specially vomiting and fainting.
Then I would change her medicines to new ones and yet the same set of events would recur.
Tired of this vicious cycle my frustration began to grow and when I saw her admitted again for the third time one morning, while she was only on plain paracetamol for pain relief, it could be contained no more. The pent up frustration at this seemingly unresolvable situation had to burst out or implode within.
Obviously a patient on the hospital bed cannot be told that he/she is a malingerer, not on the face at least.

So as it is with most unresolvable issues in life, where one does not even get a chance to react the way he/she deems appropriate, it was time to dive within and ask why??

Why is this experience being given to me??
What do I have to see, learn and assimilate??
And it was effortless my pent up frustration, not finding a vent outside, had already imploded ……… I had fallen ……….. as if out of the fabric of space time net …….. into an unknown place of silence.
And it was there that it happened…………….
“Do you love your current life position absolutely???” A question seemed to arise
“Not absolutely ………..” was the reply
“Then why don’t you change either??”

“Either??” I wondered…..

“The situation or your stance (reaction/feelings) about the situation”

“I mean how can I change this situation…….blah blah(explanations upon explanations) blah blah blah…… and obviously I don’t like it this way so how can I feign to like it i.e. change my stance about it ……..”

“Isn't that a malingering??”

Suddenly I felt stabbed……the innocuous questioning had, like a dagger, penetrated somewhere very deep now and all of a sudden so.

“You complain about your current life situation, even propose a better alternative to it in your mind, resist, ridicule and humiliate the present moment for its “not enough- ness”……..but when asked to do something concrete about it you shirk away offering a barrage of excuses ………..that’s your vomiting episode……… and when asked to change your opinions about the current situation (when you are so incapable to change it in actuality) you come out in a firm denial stating , “but I don’t like it how can I feign otherwise”, that’s your fainting episode against reasoning.”

“Aren't you malingering your life away??”

I was bleeding torrentially now …………
(Suddenly at this juncture of reading you too might have felt an uncomfortable prick…..it’s a prick (and not a full blown stabbing) only due to a verbal illusion of me and you. If this question now is pointed straight at you, “Do you love your job?”; “Do you love your current life situation?”; “Are you completely at peace with it?” {Something feels stabbed now}
A defensive discomfort encapsulates you now ……….. “I mean nobody does but it has to be done”; “Bills and EMI’s have to be paid boss”; “welcome to the real world …….money is the arbitrator of our reality not words and ideas”; “what do you suggest one should do, do you have any better ideas” etc etc……
From blatant denial to assertive defensiveness the mind would position itself somewhere within the spectrum of these two extremes.
And when asked to soften your stance, forget feeling good, about whatever is (since you cannot change it anyway) the mind goes…………. “this is not what I came looking for, this cannot be the purpose of my life”; “how can I come to terms with it, it is so unfair”; “I deserve much much better” etc etc…….)

As I bled my own reality a great sense of compassion and gratitude arose within me for the lady.
At least she paid heed to her physical symptoms, got herself diagnosed and came to know that she is diseased and what exactly that disease is.
But until today I had never even paid any heed to the symptoms of anger, irritation, frustration, lack of love, lack of gratitude and wonderment, lack of compassion within me.
Until today I had never bothered to even wonder if something was wrong with me leave alone diagnosing it and attempting to cure it.
Until today I was living in a defensive premise of “this is normal …….everybody is like this”
But it was no more possible now ………..
The dagger of honest enquiry had ripped through the veils of egoic mind ………. The diseases of “self-denial”; “Follow the heard and not your instincts”; “Do things because they have to be done not for the love of doing them”: “Disbelief and Doubt” etc had all been exposed all of a sudden ………

And I was forced to ask myself

“If I am the one sabotaging myself?”

“Why is it that I believe so less about my own capacities and capabilities?”

“Why is it that I doubt the good that has already come my way but believe instantly in the most farfetched imaginations of the ominous?”

“Why do I believe whatever it is I believe about myself and life?”

“And if it does not serve me well then why do I continue to harbor it within me?”

“Isn't belief a practiced (much repeated) thought alone?”

“Why then should I harbor such self diminishing, such self destructive believes within me?” …………………

The confluence continued

The confluence continued

So there are two entities functional in this human body of ours,
1> The real primal intelligence that actually orchestrates the functioning of this extremely complex body and maintains life as we know it.
2> Something else that has little or no say in the “real life” and hence weaves an illusory web of control derived from a “reaction to the is’ness of life”.

So the real primal intelligence was a singularity prior to the big bang….no concept of time…space…..other …..even the concept of any concept……
Nothingness is what comes nearest to describing it………and from that nothingness arose all this something and the other (the entire cosmos that is).
So in principle we, the derivatives of that nothingness via the big bang, contain within us that nothingness……..and so does every other thing in this universe.

The building block of this universe, the atom, is evidence to this fact. Being 99.9999999(13 nines after the decimal) % empty, i.e. space containing nothing………and yet the will of the singularity to experience itself as multiplicity makes us and our phenomenal world seem so solid.

This is not about psychological abstractions, or astronomical figures it is about the individual that is you. But the “you” has to be put in a correct perspective and hence the need to go through these scientific facts and figures.
So how does all this sum up to something significant, something potent, something transformative for an individual???

An individual as he/she knows himself is a mere idea about himself given to him by the society i.e.
1> A name
2> A family identity
3> An educational qualification
4> A professional position
5> A social position
6> A generic idea about oneself like good/bad, virtuous/notorious, brilliant/average/dumb, humorous/serious etc …..

None of this exists without you……it has all been implanted over you ……it is not you……you are the ground, the matrix, upon which all these things happen. But painful confusion arises when this pure unlabelled I begins relating to its own self internally via these labels.
Having these labels as a social convenience is perfectly fine, to relate to others trapped in this social game via these labels might even be a necessity but relating to one’s own self internally via these labels is morose and at times painful.

And this is the confluence, the critical juncture where religions are born, practices take root and true philosophies blossom.
The juncture that reminds you to reconnect with your own nothingness which is much much vaster than your “something ness”.

Just like the atom that makes us up. Just as our constituent atoms are 99.9999999(13 nines after the decimal) % empty…..containing nothing …….so are we.

When we forget our innate nothingness and begin focusing only on the “something ness” life becomes a drag. Because we are pushing against our own innate truth, our own expansive self.

In choosing only “something ness” and leaving out our nothingness aspect we have left out 99.9999999(13 nines after the decimal) % of ourselves and that is very suffocating, very claustrophobic.
A lot arises from this juncture but before being carried away by that it would be rather worthwhile to mention the practical significance of all this.
Having clearly seen the operation of a vast intelligence within our own physiology and having accepted the nothingness as the much vaster part of the self one is now clearly confronted with a choice…………

The choice of siding his/her attention with the unknown yet innate vast intelligence in the infinite matrix of nothingness

Or

Continuing with the society implanted suffocating, very claustrophobic and yet very familiar reactionary old mindset of “something ness”

But the same suffocating, very claustrophobic and yet very familiar reactionary old mindset of “something ness” will ask “How”.
How do I shift my focus??

How do I give my attention to the unknown yet innate vast intelligence in the infinite matrix of nothingness???

And the answer to that is; that this mind that is asking these questions can’t.

This mind cannot shift the focus; this mind cannot give attention to the unknown yet innate vast intelligence in the infinite matrix of nothingness???

And that is why the religions, techniques and philosophies ……..

Focus on the breath and you are already connected to the unknown yet innate vast intelligence in the infinite matrix of nothingness that governs your life; focus on the heart beat, look incessantly at an object or hear a continuous sound (e.g. flowing of a river) etc all to the same effect. Whenever we step our attention out of the minds verbal and imagery based chatter we are connecting to our own source.

And that is why vacations are so revivifying ……..the new sceneries, locations and situations are too overwhelming for the mind to form concepts and begin its chatter so one gets connected to his source and feels reinvigorated.
But repeated visits to same vacation spot would amply clarify the fact (as mind forms ideas and concepts about the place and gradually returns with a sense of familiarity) that it’s not the place per se rather the absence of mental chatter that is so refreshing.

The confluence

The confluence

We began our generic talk titled “order, chaos and control” two posts ago on the footing of contrast …… stating ……
“The universe it seems loves contrasts and very tightly intertwines polarities be it an atom with electrons, protons and neutrons or be it galaxies, stars and the planetary systems within them, tightly strung (to perfection like guitar strings) by the opposing forces of gravity and centrifugal force.”
But then we swayed away from the generics of the universe into the specifics of personal interpretations, priorities and perceptions.
Maslow’s pyramid helped us appreciate as to why is it that different people perceive things differently.
Why is it that the answer to the questions like “who am I?”, “what is the purpose and nature of this universe?” might be the singular pressing urgencies in one person’s life. On the other hand they may be viewed plainly as futile psychological abstractions by another person.
Though the Maslow’s pyramid offered a wonderful window into the human conditioning and psyche it would be noteworthy to point out that it is not an absolute concept, just like any other concept.
And life offers stark examples to shake up the pyramids credibility. It is filled with examples of Kabir, Raidas, Jesus, Ramkrishna Paramhans, Al hillaj Mansoor, Tulsidas, Valmiki etc who had little if any means to get by in life. According to Maslow they would be at the bottom of the pyramid i.e. Biological and Physiological needs or at the Safety needs when rated at an exaggerated best and yet they have all attained a self-fulfillment, a personal growth and a peak experience humanly possible and gone further beyond.
Life it seems is repeatedly reminding that it is more specific than generici.e. even though theories and ideologies are good pointers to the path they themselves are not the path.

So what then is the path?

Paradox and contrast………………

The human mind drugged by its sense of rationality wants to see clear cut patterns and pictures and in its attempt to do so it willfully and skillfully ignores a lot only to observe and absorb that which conforms to its preconceived notions.

And that is precisely why the question ……. The question about finality of life …..The question about life’s purpose………The question about the path and the goal…….

Who is asking all this????

Is it the self ….the self that is ….the primal substratum of existence??

Is it the self, the singularity, that was prior to the big bang and then started out with the big bang becoming the chaotic soup of nebulous gases then molding itself into stars, galaxies and planets and then from the seemingly dead chemicals aggregating itself in remarkably calculated proportions with a rather unimaginable synchronicity to become alive. Single cellular, to multi cellular, to amphibians, to reptiles, birds, mammals and finally the ones who are writing and reading this on their computer screen.
Is that self asking questions?? And if so then to whom is it posing these questions??

Or is it something implanted upon it, something extraneous that asks the questions (the mind)???

And this is the point of confluence of all that has been discussed till now…….

That there is a deeper intelligence operational within us like every other living being and the so called non-living thing is amply obvious.
The heart continues to produce its own electrical impulses and converts it into an extremely precise and synchronized mechanical activity called the cardiac cycle in every beat (which takes pages upon pages of explanation in physiology text books to understand). The lungs effortlessly function to remove the accumulated carbon dioxide and refresh the body with oxygen with each breath. Stomach and the intestines breakdown the complex food stuffs we intake into the required essentials and absorb and assimilate them. The eyes are continuously sending electrical impulses to the brain which then interprets it as images. There is no real image anywhere; it’s just an interpretation or translation of electrical activity occurring on the retina by the optic lobes of the brain (beauty truly does lie in the eyes or more correctly optic lobes of the beholder). The ears are sending in compressions and rarefactions of air (the sound vibrations) as electrical signals that are then translated into meaningful words and sentences by the auditory lobe of the brain. So on and so forth with each and every organ, organ system, sense and the entire body. From the seemingly dead nails and hair to the infinitely complex brain (with its 86-100 billion neurons and around 0.15 quadrillion synapses) there seems to be an all pervasive intelligence that is functioning despite of us. That is to say that we have little if any say in our physiological functioning; and hence essentially life.

So it seems that there are two entities functional in this human body of ours,

1> The real primal intelligence that actually orchestrates the functioning of this extremely complex body and maintains life as we know it.

2> Something else that has little or no say in the “real life” and hence weaves an illusory web of control derived from a “reaction to the is’ness of life”

Order, Chaos and Control (continued...)

Order, Chaos and Control (continued...)


The two points of views are drastically different……so different are they that a mere inception (a deep conscious and subconscious acceptance as the truth, the obvious reality) of the second organic view point has the capacity to drastically alter the life perceptions instantaneously.

It is quite (the second organic view point) contrary to our routine belief which is mostly agnostic (inability to interpret sensations and hence to recognize things) and somnolent (sleep of intelligible mind) in regards to clearly identifying “Us”.
The quintessential “who am I?”, “what is the purpose and nature of this universe?” are viewed plainly as futile psychological abstractions in the face of more pressing realities of earning the daily bread and paying the monthly bill.
But for what? if only one may pause for a moment and ask himself.

For what am I earning the daily bread and paying the monthly bill?

To continue doing the same for another month, year or a lifetime (till death comes and presses the stop button of this mundane drag that we call life) ?

The infinitely brilliant orchestration of unimaginable number of events that took place from the big bang (13.8 billion years ago) forwards till this date to bring this Me into being in this here and now was for this?? (earning the daily bread and paying the monthly bill)???

It seems like a crazy universe that after so much deliberation in creation has ended up creating a creature that spends his early years preparing, for earning a bread (so called schooling and higher education), then is spent during his most productive years running from pillar to post actually earning the bread only to be finally awaiting his turn to part from this planet still worrying about the bread as long as he is alive.

(The bread here signifies not just food or basic necessities but also the insatiable list of desires that continuously haunt our being)
Or is it that the creature has got it all mixed up and wrong??

Could it be that the human being is missing the obvious amidst the deafening clamor of the so called necessity??

Could it be that the obvious is hidden from the plain site because of its being so blatantly obvious??

There is nothing wrong with driving a Ferrari at 20 kmph in busy traffic conditions but it certainly is madness to believe that the Ferrari can do only 20kmph because you have been driving it at that speed only (maybe because of the traffic conditions you are subjecting it to)

Similarly there is nothing wrong with earning the daily bread and paying the monthly bill but it is nothing short of insanity to believe that it is the finality of life.

So what exactly is the finality of life??

Though a good question it does not have a singular answer.

And Abraham Maslow explains it quite well as to why is it so



Maslow stratifies human beings depending upon their principal needs and desires i.e. from plain physiological and biological to more moral and spiritual. A persons chief or most pressing or most important need or desire puts him in a certain strata of Maslow's pyramid as follows.

1. Biological and Physiological needs - air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, sleep.

2. Safety needs - protection from elements, security, order, law, limits, stability, freedom from fear.

3. Social Needs - belongingness, affection and love, - from work group, family, friends, romantic relationships.

4. Esteem needs - achievement, mastery, independence, status, dominance, prestige, self-respect, respect from others.

5. Self-Actualization needs - realizing personal potential, self-fulfillment, seeking personal growth and peak experiences.

So the answer to this question (of the finality of life) varies from person to person depending upon where exactly is he located in the Maslow’s pyramid.
To each according to his own capacity, moving into the next strata of the pyramid seems like the finality.

Maslow states “One must satisfy lower level basic needs before progressing on to meet higher level growth needs. Once these needs have been reasonably satisfied, one may be able to reach the highest level called self-actualization.”

And he defines self actualization as “realizing personal potential, self-fulfillment, seeking personal growth and peak experiences.”

And this is where we begin, self-fulfillment, seeking personal growth and peak experiences.

Our questioning of the finality in (of) life arises from the pinnacle of Maslow’s pyramid and takes us beyond. Metaphorically it frees us from the geometric confines of name and form identities of the limited mind (like the confines of the Maslow’s pyramid) and expands us in the domain of nameless and formless infinity.

Order, Chaos and Control

Order, Chaos and Control

The universe it seems loves contrasts and very tightly intertwines polarities be it an atom with electrons, protons and neutrons or be it galaxies, stars and the planetary systems within them, tightly strung (to perfection like guitar strings) by the opposing forces of gravity and centrifugal force. On one hand chemistry via its laws of thermodynamics observes that "the second law of thermodynamics says that entropy always increases with time".
Entropy being defined as “often interpreted as the degree of disorder or randomness in the system”.

Implying that with time disorderliness should increase within any system unless acted upon by an external agent
but the contrary is true for our universe which seems to be becoming more and more organized with time. From the chaotic soup of nebulous gases to stars, galaxies and planets and then from chemicals to life forms (the seemingly dead chemicals aggregating themselves in remarkably calculated proportions with a rather unimaginable synchronicity to become alive) single cellular, to multi cellular, to amphibians, to reptiles, birds, mammals and finally the one who is reading this on his/her computer screen. A long journey of continuous refinement is before us. The inability to see the activity of an immense rather infinite intelligence to change the gaseous nebulae and star dust into us requires tremendous depth of agnosia (inability to interpret sensations and hence to recognize things) and somnolence (sleep of intelligible mind).
This infinite intelligence that has brought us forth to being from the intangible big bang has constantly used opposing forces to shape this universe as it is.
And it would do us good to see ourselves NOT in the universe but as the extensions of universe itself (as that is the only case anyways). How can we be “in the universe”???
Are we like live fishes dropped into a dead and unintelligent aquarium of universe from outside ?? (and if so how?, who did it?)
Or
Are we like the fruit that emerges from the slow, extremely orchestrated and a highly organized growth process of a seed(again paradoxically containing the seed within)
The two points of views are drastically different……so different are they that a mere inception (a deep conscious and subconscious acceptance as the truth, the obvious reality) of the second organic view point has the capacity to drastically alter the life perceptions instantaneously.
To be continued.....