Business minded or more subtle (adding beauty and richness to life) both approaches have at their heart a “desire for more” a desire for EXPANSION and this desire for expansion is a fundamental desire the cause behind all causes of “desire for more” the one single whip that keeps whipping us into constant action throughout our lives, making us do whatever we do, behave the way we behave, think the way we think etc… in essence it is the engine of the automobile of life.
EXPANSION is a very natural cosmic event or order. Big bang set it off 15 Billion years ago and since then there has been no looking back the universe is expanding at an unimaginable pace, parts of it at the speed of light. The gaseous masses expand and coalesce to become stars. The rivers (tributaries) expand by joining a larger river which in turn expands by joining the ocean. Everything in this universe is growing (& of course aging and dying), so are the human beings according to the cosmic blue print, but their growth is to occur on two planes.
The obvious physical plane and the more sublime (so to say) metaphysical plane. The growth on the physical plane is a pre-programmed fully automated process and neither requires any of our contribution nor does it bother about our consensus. But the growth on the metaphysical plane, should more aptly be called as development, is completely dependent upon our insight and action, it is an open uninitiated program waiting to be custom developed.
This process of internal development following the cosmic blue print is EXPANSION driven. That is the process of metaphysical growth is a process of expansion and relationships are its spring boards to dive into the sea of expansion. The external physical world around us nothing more than lay out generated by our internal world for its own development and expansion. Every person, situation, event and relation is opportunity passing by us any or all of them can be used by us so as to contribute to our own inner growth. But we have just been doing the opposite all along.
We stay outside the entire time holding finely cut pieces of glass which are our counterfeits to the real diamonds. That is, we act as if we are loving, caring, friendly and intimate, but this is just an act and not a reality it is a very superficial enactment with no substance from within because we have never bothered to look into the within. We all very clearly know that ours are counterfeits (glass instead of diamonds) but our inner search for expansion, for the real has driven us crazy by now because till now we have always responded to these paroxysms of inner search (inner, metaphysical development) in all the wrong directions searching knowledge, degrees, awards, certificates, wealth, fame, love, fulfilling relationships always on the outside. So this craziness of ours makes us believe that what the other is carrying are diamonds and the other person is no different from us he/she in his/her craziness sees us in possession of diamonds. Two people with counterfeits of the real diamonds (love, care, sensitivity, friendliness and intimacy) blinded by their craziness, become absolutely certain that the other is in possession of the real thing, the original diamonds. Sooner than later the truth dawns upon both the parties that the other like themselves is in possession of only beautiful glass pieces (acts of loving, caring, friendliness, sensitivity and intimacy) and not diamond and this is a shattering revelation. All romance comes to an end and bitterness fills every nook and cranny of life both parties blame the other for cheating them when the truth is that their own craziness has cheated themselves.
But for a person responding to the pangs of inner expansion with utter sincerity every person, situation, event and relation is an opportunity to share and expand. He has responded to his pangs of expansion with honesty and directed his attention inwards and he has realized that he does not possess a diamond or two instead within him is an inexhaustible diamond mine which not only defies the laws of ordinary economics rather behaves exactly opposite to them. The ordinary laws of economics say that if we give we are left with lesser than we had and if we go on giving we would soon be left with nothing. But the diamond mine of true love, care, sensitivity, friendliness and intimacy goes on expanding and increasing itself the more we spend it, in fact it shrinks and begins to disappear if we don’t spend its diamonds and securely confine them to ourselves alone. For such a person the other exists only for the joy of sharing, for giving. And when two such inner billionaires meet life becomes a dance of joy each wants to share himself with the other because he has so much and it is uncontainable and both exist not to take anything but to give everything.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
RELATIONSHIPS...3
We understand that relationships are a psychological bridge between people, we also understand their two components (mental and emotional), but now it’s time to take a step further and ask ourselves a very fundamental root shaking question.
Why do we need relationships? Are relationships a real necessity in our lives?
The relationships consume so much of our energy and emotions are they worth all this?
The answer to all these questions can be a YES or it can be a NO depending on what is that we are looking for in our lives !!!!!!
So let us begin with the NO. No relationships are not at all necessary if we are interested in leading a utilitarian robotic life. No relationships are not worth the time, energy and emotion we pump into them, if we are interested in a business like investment is to return ratio from relationships.
On the other hand if we are one of those who are interested in living a life filled with sweetness, joy and self-expansion then relationships are a necessity. But still there is another paradox here, that if we enter a relationship with a want or a desire (no matter how gross or how subtle) we would find all relationships unworthy and unfulfilling.
So a PARADOX appears and the paradox is that relationships are worthwhile only for those who are looking for sweetness, joy and self-expansion and not for business minded people bothered about investment is to return ratios, but even those who plunge into a relationship with the idea of obtaining sweetness, joy and self-expansion from a relationship in their life will find it unworthy and unfulfilling sooner or later just like the business minded people do from the very beginning.
This paradox is no ordinary paradox it is a window into another world, a portal to another dimension and hence an insight into it is very important. Looked at casually the paradox implies that all relationships shall sooner or later become unworthy and unfulfilling no matter what is our initial approach to them, but a diving into its depth opens up an entirely new dimension of existence.
Why do we need relationships? Are relationships a real necessity in our lives?
The relationships consume so much of our energy and emotions are they worth all this?
The answer to all these questions can be a YES or it can be a NO depending on what is that we are looking for in our lives !!!!!!
So let us begin with the NO. No relationships are not at all necessary if we are interested in leading a utilitarian robotic life. No relationships are not worth the time, energy and emotion we pump into them, if we are interested in a business like investment is to return ratio from relationships.
On the other hand if we are one of those who are interested in living a life filled with sweetness, joy and self-expansion then relationships are a necessity. But still there is another paradox here, that if we enter a relationship with a want or a desire (no matter how gross or how subtle) we would find all relationships unworthy and unfulfilling.
So a PARADOX appears and the paradox is that relationships are worthwhile only for those who are looking for sweetness, joy and self-expansion and not for business minded people bothered about investment is to return ratios, but even those who plunge into a relationship with the idea of obtaining sweetness, joy and self-expansion from a relationship in their life will find it unworthy and unfulfilling sooner or later just like the business minded people do from the very beginning.
This paradox is no ordinary paradox it is a window into another world, a portal to another dimension and hence an insight into it is very important. Looked at casually the paradox implies that all relationships shall sooner or later become unworthy and unfulfilling no matter what is our initial approach to them, but a diving into its depth opens up an entirely new dimension of existence.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
RELATIONSHIPS...2
The term psychology here implies two principle elements, they are MENTAL and EMOTIONAL. That is a relationship is comprised of a psychological bridge between two individuals and this psychological bridge is comprised of MENTAL and EMOTIONAL components.
The mental component comprises of intellectual agreement is very dry and business like. So much so that if mental component alone is present (and emotional component is lacking) a relationship cannot be called as a relationship it is a mere symbiosis, an arrangement for convenience of existence just as is seen in the animal kingdom between various interdependent species.
For example one has a mental relationship with his boss, his driver, his building security guard, his domestic help, his cook etc... These are all arrangements for convenience of existence there is a well defined intellectual agreement between each pair. The boss requires us accomplish the tasks as per instruction and to which he shall reward us with a promotion or pay hike. The cook needs to do timely and good cooking for us for which we shall pay him his salary. The security guard needs to take special care for our letters and arrange for our car parking and for that we shall reward him with an occasional tip here and there. These are all examples of mental relationships; these are no more than business deals and contracts but are relationships none the less. There is no margin for error and these relationships operate within a very narrow “margin of tolerance” that is if we were to under-perform or fail to deliver the expected results the promotion from the boss would turn into a sharp reprimand or even a termination. If the domestic help takes leave too often she will be fired etc... That is whenever one member fails to accomplish his/her expected role he or she is immediately rebuked or punished for that.
And it is probably necessary too since the world of market, money, power, business and industry have nothing emotional to them they have all originated in the mind and are run by it for creating a convenient living.
But there is a problem that has arisen, slowly due to continuous exposure and lingering the world of market, money, power& business has entered our homes and our hearts. It has completely overpowered and overshadowed our EMOTIONAL existence and now we are doing business even at home and in our personal lives. This is a more sophisticated and subtle kind of business though. We have become calculative; when we “invest” ourselves into a relationship we automatically have “expectations” for “returns”. But all this is very subtle nothing is brought out, nothing is on the face but there is a deep undercurrent, an undercurrent of “expectations” which governs every single thing we say and do. We are no more naturally friendly, intimate and joyous with the other person instead we mould and manipulate our behaviour towards the other person so as to obtain a response from him or her that matches our “expectations”. Children behave the way parents want them to just to manipulate them into buying the video-game or the bicycle they want. Wives act lovingly to manipulate husbands into fulfilling their demands. Husbands surprise wives and act caring in order to extract more independence and freedom. But all this is a farce, a sham, a mockery and nothing else. Sadly it is no more than a complicated symbiosis of animal kingdom, an arrangement for convenience of existence.
So deeply and completely has this disease of superficial mental relationships penetrated our entire lives that it is a struggle to quote analogies and examples of the pure emotional relationships. But all is not lost the selfless and loving care of parents towards their children is a deeply emotional relationship and it is one sided from parents alone since the child is so incapable physically, mentally and emotionally. On rare occasions there occurs a loving relationship between two individuals which is chiefly if not totally based on emotions. There are relationships between children and parents, between brothers and sisters that are chiefly emotional and these are the ones that richness to one’s life and make it worth living.
In these loving emotional relationships intellectual agreement is not a major priority. The two individuals or the group (as in a family) may hold diametrically opposite opinions on various issues of common concern but that in no way changes their love and respect for each other. Each is aware and respectful of others point of view (though not in agreement with it) and the relationship thrives on love, friendliness, openness and intimacy.
The mental component comprises of intellectual agreement is very dry and business like. So much so that if mental component alone is present (and emotional component is lacking) a relationship cannot be called as a relationship it is a mere symbiosis, an arrangement for convenience of existence just as is seen in the animal kingdom between various interdependent species.
For example one has a mental relationship with his boss, his driver, his building security guard, his domestic help, his cook etc... These are all arrangements for convenience of existence there is a well defined intellectual agreement between each pair. The boss requires us accomplish the tasks as per instruction and to which he shall reward us with a promotion or pay hike. The cook needs to do timely and good cooking for us for which we shall pay him his salary. The security guard needs to take special care for our letters and arrange for our car parking and for that we shall reward him with an occasional tip here and there. These are all examples of mental relationships; these are no more than business deals and contracts but are relationships none the less. There is no margin for error and these relationships operate within a very narrow “margin of tolerance” that is if we were to under-perform or fail to deliver the expected results the promotion from the boss would turn into a sharp reprimand or even a termination. If the domestic help takes leave too often she will be fired etc... That is whenever one member fails to accomplish his/her expected role he or she is immediately rebuked or punished for that.
And it is probably necessary too since the world of market, money, power, business and industry have nothing emotional to them they have all originated in the mind and are run by it for creating a convenient living.
But there is a problem that has arisen, slowly due to continuous exposure and lingering the world of market, money, power& business has entered our homes and our hearts. It has completely overpowered and overshadowed our EMOTIONAL existence and now we are doing business even at home and in our personal lives. This is a more sophisticated and subtle kind of business though. We have become calculative; when we “invest” ourselves into a relationship we automatically have “expectations” for “returns”. But all this is very subtle nothing is brought out, nothing is on the face but there is a deep undercurrent, an undercurrent of “expectations” which governs every single thing we say and do. We are no more naturally friendly, intimate and joyous with the other person instead we mould and manipulate our behaviour towards the other person so as to obtain a response from him or her that matches our “expectations”. Children behave the way parents want them to just to manipulate them into buying the video-game or the bicycle they want. Wives act lovingly to manipulate husbands into fulfilling their demands. Husbands surprise wives and act caring in order to extract more independence and freedom. But all this is a farce, a sham, a mockery and nothing else. Sadly it is no more than a complicated symbiosis of animal kingdom, an arrangement for convenience of existence.
So deeply and completely has this disease of superficial mental relationships penetrated our entire lives that it is a struggle to quote analogies and examples of the pure emotional relationships. But all is not lost the selfless and loving care of parents towards their children is a deeply emotional relationship and it is one sided from parents alone since the child is so incapable physically, mentally and emotionally. On rare occasions there occurs a loving relationship between two individuals which is chiefly if not totally based on emotions. There are relationships between children and parents, between brothers and sisters that are chiefly emotional and these are the ones that richness to one’s life and make it worth living.
In these loving emotional relationships intellectual agreement is not a major priority. The two individuals or the group (as in a family) may hold diametrically opposite opinions on various issues of common concern but that in no way changes their love and respect for each other. Each is aware and respectful of others point of view (though not in agreement with it) and the relationship thrives on love, friendliness, openness and intimacy.
Monday, July 19, 2010
RELATIONSHIPS...1
Willingness, alertness and clarity. Which one before the other and in which order is almost like “the hen came first or the egg?” but all three are necessary. But if we were to get into the habit of precession and detailing of the social intelligence then it would be clarity first, then willingness and finally alertness.
But before all that let us delve a bit into what exactly is a relationship?
Put simply it is a psychological bridge between two individuals and this definition has some shocking implications.
It implies that no relationship actually exists!!!! It is created!!!
The biology has very little to do with any relationship it is the psychology that matters. For example a child being raised by foster parents who is unaware of this fact develops a psychological bonding with his foster parents and so do the parents. A child suffering abuse at the hands of parents will only develop more and more hatred towards them. History has been a witness to innumerable occasions of brothers fighting and killing each other for power, pride or possessions. All these and more are nothing but proofs that relationship has a major psychological component and very little if any biological component, although biology does help in a sense that the individuals related biologically, by the social design (family), spend a greater deal of time together from the earliest possible period of one’s life. So the parents condition their children like themselves and hence children, who now are running their lives with the software borrowed from their parents, find it obvious and natural to relate with them with a greater ease than anybody else.
But then a problem arises. In adolescence when the child starts to search for its own identity. But he is in a fix because up till now all his rights & wrongs, do’s & don’ts, appropriate & inappropriate, dreams & desires were fed to him by the society around him (parents, teachers, the entire socio-cultural milieu) but now when he wants something genuine something of his own then there is nothing he can find, nothing he can call genuinely his own. Frustrated with this deadlock and his exercise in futility he becomes a reactionary he begins to say no to anything and everything. It is his way of announcing his arrival, his independence, his uniqueness. The adolescent mind becomes a reactionary and a compulsive NO speaking machine. It wants to break free of all the rights & wrongs, do’s & don’ts, appropriate & inappropriate imposed on it and for the shear lack of ingenuity (and that’s because the society paralyzes his capability to think and reason from the early childhood by endlessly feeding it with a barrage of ideas and reduces him to a memory bank, an information warehouse, that just stores and reproduces given information) and an unbearable incapability of coming up with something original, something it can call “its own thing”. So instead of creating something it can call its own it starts to reject and negate everything.
And this time period is very stressful for the family, it puts a lot of strain on the fabric of family’s relationships. So we see that even though a child is biologically related to the parents and is nurtured in a loving and caring environment by them their relationship still comes under immense strain during adolescence due to the disruption of the psychological bridge on part of the adolescent who begins to resent and react to all social norms and conditionings.
But before all that let us delve a bit into what exactly is a relationship?
Put simply it is a psychological bridge between two individuals and this definition has some shocking implications.
It implies that no relationship actually exists!!!! It is created!!!
The biology has very little to do with any relationship it is the psychology that matters. For example a child being raised by foster parents who is unaware of this fact develops a psychological bonding with his foster parents and so do the parents. A child suffering abuse at the hands of parents will only develop more and more hatred towards them. History has been a witness to innumerable occasions of brothers fighting and killing each other for power, pride or possessions. All these and more are nothing but proofs that relationship has a major psychological component and very little if any biological component, although biology does help in a sense that the individuals related biologically, by the social design (family), spend a greater deal of time together from the earliest possible period of one’s life. So the parents condition their children like themselves and hence children, who now are running their lives with the software borrowed from their parents, find it obvious and natural to relate with them with a greater ease than anybody else.
But then a problem arises. In adolescence when the child starts to search for its own identity. But he is in a fix because up till now all his rights & wrongs, do’s & don’ts, appropriate & inappropriate, dreams & desires were fed to him by the society around him (parents, teachers, the entire socio-cultural milieu) but now when he wants something genuine something of his own then there is nothing he can find, nothing he can call genuinely his own. Frustrated with this deadlock and his exercise in futility he becomes a reactionary he begins to say no to anything and everything. It is his way of announcing his arrival, his independence, his uniqueness. The adolescent mind becomes a reactionary and a compulsive NO speaking machine. It wants to break free of all the rights & wrongs, do’s & don’ts, appropriate & inappropriate imposed on it and for the shear lack of ingenuity (and that’s because the society paralyzes his capability to think and reason from the early childhood by endlessly feeding it with a barrage of ideas and reduces him to a memory bank, an information warehouse, that just stores and reproduces given information) and an unbearable incapability of coming up with something original, something it can call “its own thing”. So instead of creating something it can call its own it starts to reject and negate everything.
And this time period is very stressful for the family, it puts a lot of strain on the fabric of family’s relationships. So we see that even though a child is biologically related to the parents and is nurtured in a loving and caring environment by them their relationship still comes under immense strain during adolescence due to the disruption of the psychological bridge on part of the adolescent who begins to resent and react to all social norms and conditionings.
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