“Current Psychological location”

So before we begin our journey ….this exploration into the unknown it would be of value for the writer to define his location …….. his "current Psychological location".
{The word Psychological here encompasses the “nature of thoughts in the mind”, “general background feeling” and “the baseline emotional state” one is experiencing}.

And this defining of “current Psychological location” is of immense value even from the point of view of something that was written 4 years ago….. “Relationships”. The blog had come to a halt at his topic 4 years ago and now life seems to be seamlessly synthesizing all of it together.
We had spoken about relationships as a part of our universal desire for expansion …..as something requiring a psychological bridge between two people…… and here is the interesting thing ….

Why at times this psychological bridge gets broken?

Or

Why at times it is so hard to establish a psychological bridge to begin with?

And the answer lies in the “current Psychological location” …….
So let us begin with examining this terminology of “current Psychological location”.
The word current implies the Now ……this moment ….it’s here …now it’s gone….it’s here …now it’s gone….it’s here …now it’s gone….it’s here …now it’s gone….it’s here …now it’s gone….Yes this minutest of the perceptible moment of time…Now.

Depending upon the keenness of their awareness Now might imply a second, a minute, an hour, a day, a week or a month etc to different people. The keenness of awareness being inversely proportional to the time duration i.e. more heightened is the awareness the smaller would be the unit of time that Now implies to an individual.

The word Psychological encompasses the “nature of thoughts in the mind”, “general background feeling” and “the baseline emotional state” that one is experiencing.

And location intimates a clear cut understanding of one’s present position in the world of thoughts, feelings and emotions.
So an example of “current Psychological location” would be.....

Since past week (time period) I am feeling depressed (emotion) with these thoughts of failure and powerlessness (thoughts) and this makes me feel all the more resentful of the situation (feelings about the situation and emotion)

Or

I am feeling elated (emotion) of late (time period) and have these creative thoughts running all over my mind (thoughts) it makes me feel so alive and enthusiastic (feelings about the situation and emotion)

Who is it ?

When the writer is writing this who is he talking to?? And this strangely is a very difficult question. In this exploration as previously said ,“It’s not that the writer conjures up a writing ……instead the writing is conjuring up what is called as a writer……”, there is not a pinch of certainty; the uncertain is delving into the unknown . So in essence it could also be stated that the writer is talking to himself. Self is the keyword here. Something on the periphery has become interested to find out the core. A spoke on the periphery wants to know its hub. But the paradox or irony of the situation is that in talking to himself (loudly) the writer is talking to everyone else. As no matter how apart or oppositely aligned various spokes of a wheel maybe….. at their core they are held together by one single hub alone. 4 years later and despite the maddening current of a variety of experiences the writer still finds the premise of “self integrity”, integrating oneself completely with oneself without a miniscule of contradiction, as relevant. In fact the experience of the past years has rather infused conviction to his thought of “self integrity”. And hence we begin with the question we began 4 years ago “why do I feel so scattered?”……. “Why is there not a singular stream of thought and feeling within me?”……. “Why should I be thinking and feeling thoughts within me that are contradictory to my own dreams and desires?”…….. And the answer to all these questions could be explored from the point of view of reaching to the hub of self. Everything is alright but “who am I?” to begin with. I want to clearly delineate my self. Who is it that dreams the dreams? …….who is it that chases the desires? Who is it who fears the fears?...... “who is it who asks “who am I?””

River, Bridge or something else altogether

Nearly 4 years have passed now; much water must have flown under the bridge. The writer must have changed the written then is bound to change……..but wait “much water must have flown under the bridge”…….the bridge remains the same. So here is an interesting question now, am I the bridge?? or the river that flows underneath?? and it is of value to know clearly which one of it is me as the difference is drastic. Though subject to change both the bridge and the river are the rapidity of rate of change of one (the river) makes the other look almost changeless. So who am I? Am I the river of constantly and rapidly changing experiences? Or Am I the seemingly changeless observer (bridge) that is aware of all this as it is happening? Or Is this analogy of the river and bridge too insufficient to encompass the human condition?

Return to the beginning

But why come back to what was left unattended for four years? To be honest it is beyond the writer …….. He goes onto a certain trip... experiences something and comes back to reflect upon it in the form of a writing and suddenly life takes him up for another ride (“suddenly” is not an appropriate word and this entire line demands an explanation lengthy enough for a few posts, as it is suggestive of life being different from the living ….. but just to avoid swaying away from the core issue we would accept it as it is for now) and now while he is on the ride …….he is on the ride …..he is not reflecting about the ride…life anyways offers roller coaster type rides but with the only difference that unlike the roller coaster (and more like the bus or train) one does not get down where he got on ……it’s a different place. His vantage point has changed and with that in all probability he has changed??? Now he wants to explore ……… Explore what happened and this is different from reflection ….. Reflection has a fixed “Reflector” the one who is reflecting….. But this exploration is different …..it springs forth from uncertainty and delves into uncertainty it does not have any element of placid certainty of reflection …. It’s not that the writer conjures up a writing ……instead the writing is conjuring up what is called as a writer…..