Willingness, alertness and clarity. Which one before the other and in which order is almost like “the hen came first or the egg?” but all three are necessary. But if we were to get into the habit of precession and detailing of the social intelligence then it would be clarity first, then willingness and finally alertness.
But before all that let us delve a bit into what exactly is a relationship?
Put simply it is a psychological bridge between two individuals and this definition has some shocking implications.
It implies that no relationship actually exists!!!! It is created!!!
The biology has very little to do with any relationship it is the psychology that matters. For example a child being raised by foster parents who is unaware of this fact develops a psychological bonding with his foster parents and so do the parents. A child suffering abuse at the hands of parents will only develop more and more hatred towards them. History has been a witness to innumerable occasions of brothers fighting and killing each other for power, pride or possessions. All these and more are nothing but proofs that relationship has a major psychological component and very little if any biological component, although biology does help in a sense that the individuals related biologically, by the social design (family), spend a greater deal of time together from the earliest possible period of one’s life. So the parents condition their children like themselves and hence children, who now are running their lives with the software borrowed from their parents, find it obvious and natural to relate with them with a greater ease than anybody else.
But then a problem arises. In adolescence when the child starts to search for its own identity. But he is in a fix because up till now all his rights & wrongs, do’s & don’ts, appropriate & inappropriate, dreams & desires were fed to him by the society around him (parents, teachers, the entire socio-cultural milieu) but now when he wants something genuine something of his own then there is nothing he can find, nothing he can call genuinely his own. Frustrated with this deadlock and his exercise in futility he becomes a reactionary he begins to say no to anything and everything. It is his way of announcing his arrival, his independence, his uniqueness. The adolescent mind becomes a reactionary and a compulsive NO speaking machine. It wants to break free of all the rights & wrongs, do’s & don’ts, appropriate & inappropriate imposed on it and for the shear lack of ingenuity (and that’s because the society paralyzes his capability to think and reason from the early childhood by endlessly feeding it with a barrage of ideas and reduces him to a memory bank, an information warehouse, that just stores and reproduces given information) and an unbearable incapability of coming up with something original, something it can call “its own thing”. So instead of creating something it can call its own it starts to reject and negate everything.
And this time period is very stressful for the family, it puts a lot of strain on the fabric of family’s relationships. So we see that even though a child is biologically related to the parents and is nurtured in a loving and caring environment by them their relationship still comes under immense strain during adolescence due to the disruption of the psychological bridge on part of the adolescent who begins to resent and react to all social norms and conditionings.
