RELATIONSHIPS...4

Business minded or more subtle (adding beauty and richness to life) both approaches have at their heart a “desire for more” a desire for EXPANSION and this desire for expansion is a fundamental desire the cause behind all causes of “desire for more” the one single whip that keeps whipping us into constant action throughout our lives, making us do whatever we do, behave the way we behave, think the way we think etc… in essence it is the engine of the automobile of life.
EXPANSION is a very natural cosmic event or order. Big bang set it off 15 Billion years ago and since then there has been no looking back the universe is expanding at an unimaginable pace, parts of it at the speed of light. The gaseous masses expand and coalesce to become stars. The rivers (tributaries) expand by joining a larger river which in turn expands by joining the ocean. Everything in this universe is growing (& of course aging and dying), so are the human beings according to the cosmic blue print, but their growth is to occur on two planes.
The obvious physical plane and the more sublime (so to say) metaphysical plane. The growth on the physical plane is a pre-programmed fully automated process and neither requires any of our contribution nor does it bother about our consensus. But the growth on the metaphysical plane, should more aptly be called as development, is completely dependent upon our insight and action, it is an open uninitiated program waiting to be custom developed.
This process of internal development following the cosmic blue print is EXPANSION driven. That is the process of metaphysical growth is a process of expansion and relationships are its spring boards to dive into the sea of expansion. The external physical world around us nothing more than lay out generated by our internal world for its own development and expansion. Every person, situation, event and relation is opportunity passing by us any or all of them can be used by us so as to contribute to our own inner growth. But we have just been doing the opposite all along.
We stay outside the entire time holding finely cut pieces of glass which are our counterfeits to the real diamonds. That is, we act as if we are loving, caring, friendly and intimate, but this is just an act and not a reality it is a very superficial enactment with no substance from within because we have never bothered to look into the within. We all very clearly know that ours are counterfeits (glass instead of diamonds) but our inner search for expansion, for the real has driven us crazy by now because till now we have always responded to these paroxysms of inner search (inner, metaphysical development) in all the wrong directions searching knowledge, degrees, awards, certificates, wealth, fame, love, fulfilling relationships always on the outside. So this craziness of ours makes us believe that what the other is carrying are diamonds and the other person is no different from us he/she in his/her craziness sees us in possession of diamonds. Two people with counterfeits of the real diamonds (love, care, sensitivity, friendliness and intimacy) blinded by their craziness, become absolutely certain that the other is in possession of the real thing, the original diamonds. Sooner than later the truth dawns upon both the parties that the other like themselves is in possession of only beautiful glass pieces (acts of loving, caring, friendliness, sensitivity and intimacy) and not diamond and this is a shattering revelation. All romance comes to an end and bitterness fills every nook and cranny of life both parties blame the other for cheating them when the truth is that their own craziness has cheated themselves.
But for a person responding to the pangs of inner expansion with utter sincerity every person, situation, event and relation is an opportunity to share and expand. He has responded to his pangs of expansion with honesty and directed his attention inwards and he has realized that he does not possess a diamond or two instead within him is an inexhaustible diamond mine which not only defies the laws of ordinary economics rather behaves exactly opposite to them. The ordinary laws of economics say that if we give we are left with lesser than we had and if we go on giving we would soon be left with nothing. But the diamond mine of true love, care, sensitivity, friendliness and intimacy goes on expanding and increasing itself the more we spend it, in fact it shrinks and begins to disappear if we don’t spend its diamonds and securely confine them to ourselves alone. For such a person the other exists only for the joy of sharing, for giving. And when two such inner billionaires meet life becomes a dance of joy each wants to share himself with the other because he has so much and it is uncontainable and both exist not to take anything but to give everything.

RELATIONSHIPS...3

We understand that relationships are a psychological bridge between people, we also understand their two components (mental and emotional), but now it’s time to take a step further and ask ourselves a very fundamental root shaking question.
Why do we need relationships? Are relationships a real necessity in our lives?
The relationships consume so much of our energy and emotions are they worth all this?
The answer to all these questions can be a YES or it can be a NO depending on what is that we are looking for in our lives !!!!!!
So let us begin with the NO. No relationships are not at all necessary if we are interested in leading a utilitarian robotic life. No relationships are not worth the time, energy and emotion we pump into them, if we are interested in a business like investment is to return ratio from relationships.
On the other hand if we are one of those who are interested in living a life filled with sweetness, joy and self-expansion then relationships are a necessity. But still there is another paradox here, that if we enter a relationship with a want or a desire (no matter how gross or how subtle) we would find all relationships unworthy and unfulfilling.
So a PARADOX appears and the paradox is that relationships are worthwhile only for those who are looking for sweetness, joy and self-expansion and not for business minded people bothered about investment is to return ratios, but even those who plunge into a relationship with the idea of obtaining sweetness, joy and self-expansion from a relationship in their life will find it unworthy and unfulfilling sooner or later just like the business minded people do from the very beginning.
This paradox is no ordinary paradox it is a window into another world, a portal to another dimension and hence an insight into it is very important. Looked at casually the paradox implies that all relationships shall sooner or later become unworthy and unfulfilling no matter what is our initial approach to them, but a diving into its depth opens up an entirely new dimension of existence.

RELATIONSHIPS...2

The term psychology here implies two principle elements, they are MENTAL and EMOTIONAL. That is a relationship is comprised of a psychological bridge between two individuals and this psychological bridge is comprised of MENTAL and EMOTIONAL components.
The mental component comprises of intellectual agreement is very dry and business like. So much so that if mental component alone is present (and emotional component is lacking) a relationship cannot be called as a relationship it is a mere symbiosis, an arrangement for convenience of existence just as is seen in the animal kingdom between various interdependent species.
For example one has a mental relationship with his boss, his driver, his building security guard, his domestic help, his cook etc... These are all arrangements for convenience of existence there is a well defined intellectual agreement between each pair. The boss requires us accomplish the tasks as per instruction and to which he shall reward us with a promotion or pay hike. The cook needs to do timely and good cooking for us for which we shall pay him his salary. The security guard needs to take special care for our letters and arrange for our car parking and for that we shall reward him with an occasional tip here and there. These are all examples of mental relationships; these are no more than business deals and contracts but are relationships none the less. There is no margin for error and these relationships operate within a very narrow “margin of tolerance” that is if we were to under-perform or fail to deliver the expected results the promotion from the boss would turn into a sharp reprimand or even a termination. If the domestic help takes leave too often she will be fired etc... That is whenever one member fails to accomplish his/her expected role he or she is immediately rebuked or punished for that.
And it is probably necessary too since the world of market, money, power, business and industry have nothing emotional to them they have all originated in the mind and are run by it for creating a convenient living.
But there is a problem that has arisen, slowly due to continuous exposure and lingering the world of market, money, power& business has entered our homes and our hearts. It has completely overpowered and overshadowed our EMOTIONAL existence and now we are doing business even at home and in our personal lives. This is a more sophisticated and subtle kind of business though. We have become calculative; when we “invest” ourselves into a relationship we automatically have “expectations” for “returns”. But all this is very subtle nothing is brought out, nothing is on the face but there is a deep undercurrent, an undercurrent of “expectations” which governs every single thing we say and do. We are no more naturally friendly, intimate and joyous with the other person instead we mould and manipulate our behaviour towards the other person so as to obtain a response from him or her that matches our “expectations”. Children behave the way parents want them to just to manipulate them into buying the video-game or the bicycle they want. Wives act lovingly to manipulate husbands into fulfilling their demands. Husbands surprise wives and act caring in order to extract more independence and freedom. But all this is a farce, a sham, a mockery and nothing else. Sadly it is no more than a complicated symbiosis of animal kingdom, an arrangement for convenience of existence.
So deeply and completely has this disease of superficial mental relationships penetrated our entire lives that it is a struggle to quote analogies and examples of the pure emotional relationships. But all is not lost the selfless and loving care of parents towards their children is a deeply emotional relationship and it is one sided from parents alone since the child is so incapable physically, mentally and emotionally. On rare occasions there occurs a loving relationship between two individuals which is chiefly if not totally based on emotions. There are relationships between children and parents, between brothers and sisters that are chiefly emotional and these are the ones that richness to one’s life and make it worth living.
In these loving emotional relationships intellectual agreement is not a major priority. The two individuals or the group (as in a family) may hold diametrically opposite opinions on various issues of common concern but that in no way changes their love and respect for each other. Each is aware and respectful of others point of view (though not in agreement with it) and the relationship thrives on love, friendliness, openness and intimacy.

RELATIONSHIPS...1

Willingness, alertness and clarity. Which one before the other and in which order is almost like “the hen came first or the egg?” but all three are necessary. But if we were to get into the habit of precession and detailing of the social intelligence then it would be clarity first, then willingness and finally alertness.
But before all that let us delve a bit into what exactly is a relationship?
Put simply it is a psychological bridge between two individuals and this definition has some shocking implications.
It implies that no relationship actually exists!!!! It is created!!!
The biology has very little to do with any relationship it is the psychology that matters. For example a child being raised by foster parents who is unaware of this fact develops a psychological bonding with his foster parents and so do the parents. A child suffering abuse at the hands of parents will only develop more and more hatred towards them. History has been a witness to innumerable occasions of brothers fighting and killing each other for power, pride or possessions. All these and more are nothing but proofs that relationship has a major psychological component and very little if any biological component, although biology does help in a sense that the individuals related biologically, by the social design (family), spend a greater deal of time together from the earliest possible period of one’s life. So the parents condition their children like themselves and hence children, who now are running their lives with the software borrowed from their parents, find it obvious and natural to relate with them with a greater ease than anybody else.
But then a problem arises. In adolescence when the child starts to search for its own identity. But he is in a fix because up till now all his rights & wrongs, do’s & don’ts, appropriate & inappropriate, dreams & desires were fed to him by the society around him (parents, teachers, the entire socio-cultural milieu) but now when he wants something genuine something of his own then there is nothing he can find, nothing he can call genuinely his own. Frustrated with this deadlock and his exercise in futility he becomes a reactionary he begins to say no to anything and everything. It is his way of announcing his arrival, his independence, his uniqueness. The adolescent mind becomes a reactionary and a compulsive NO speaking machine. It wants to break free of all the rights & wrongs, do’s & don’ts, appropriate & inappropriate imposed on it and for the shear lack of ingenuity (and that’s because the society paralyzes his capability to think and reason from the early childhood by endlessly feeding it with a barrage of ideas and reduces him to a memory bank, an information warehouse, that just stores and reproduces given information) and an unbearable incapability of coming up with something original, something it can call “its own thing”. So instead of creating something it can call its own it starts to reject and negate everything.
And this time period is very stressful for the family, it puts a lot of strain on the fabric of family’s relationships. So we see that even though a child is biologically related to the parents and is nurtured in a loving and caring environment by them their relationship still comes under immense strain during adolescence due to the disruption of the psychological bridge on part of the adolescent who begins to resent and react to all social norms and conditionings.

THE CHAIN OF EVENTS, continued

....Now the social intelligence comes up with the most diabolical tricks from its armory. As time goes on and Susan spends more and more time with Craig, social intelligence deems Craig as “FAMILIAR” having done that it declares Craig and all experiences related to him as its sovereign domain and shuts all doors out for a possible being to being connection between the two via innate intelligence. The social intelligence does not stop at that it labels the relationship as love, creates a love folder and starts storing memories. This is where it commits another blunder, it then goes on indiscriminately storing all sorts of contradictory memories in the folder dubiously named LOVE eventually all the data from “THIS IS WRONG, IT SHOULD NOT BE HAPPENING LIKE THIS” folder, all the “NEGATIVE DEVIATIONS”, are mutually shared in the love folder too.
It become like a jar in the kitchen labeled “sugar”. To begin with there had been some sugar in the jar but when it got over the lady of the house found it more convenient to store salt in this jar and when salt was finished she put an entire pack of newly opened chilli powder in the jar since no other empty container was available at that time. But throughout the chain of these incidents the jar has been bearing the label “sugar” on it and on numerous occasions the lady has put salt in the coffee (fooled by the label) and chilli powder in the deserts spoiling the whole thing but still not taking the lesson.
That just by labeling the jar as “sugar” it would not automatically start storing sugar. It can only contain what we put in it. So when the sugar in is running low or is about to get over it has to be replaced with more sugar and not salt and chillies. This will require both alertness and constant effort.
Alertness to always keep a check as to what is happening now? We may have been very happy in the past (1, 2 or 5 years ago) but are we happy now?
To keep a check that the jar of relationships is just labeled as “love” or it contains love too and that the love content of the jar (relationship) is increasing, decreasing or has remained the same. To keep a check if love is not coming out of the jar of a particular relationship then what has been stored now in the jar of this relationship of late in place of love.
It will require a lot of alertness and willingness to find the “incorrect item” (anger, jealousy, doubt etc...) filling up the jar (relationship) labeled as LOVE.
Surely it will be a lot of effort to remove the incorrect items (anger, jealousy, doubt, mistrust, irritation etc...) and again replace them with LOVE.
This makes us realize that life is a constantly flowing stream of change and the rigid and unchanging “golden memories” and “incorrect labels” only add to the confusion and misery already pervading our lives and fail despondently in fulfilling their false promises of happiness and satisfaction.
We draw two lessons and also are faced with a few new questions.
Two lessons drawn are
I. All relationships (family, friends, lovers each and every relationship without any exception) require a constant and honest reassessment of their current condition and then accordingly need to be taken up for servicing or a total overhaul as deemed fit by the assessment requirements.
II. This process requires three essential components, WILLINGNESS, ALERTNESS are CLARITY.

It also leaves us with the question as to what are these magical ingredients (willingness, alertness are clarity) that can make our lives so wonderful and worth living for?

THE CHAIN OF EVENTS

Susan meets Craig for the first time and for a moment sinks into her innate intelligence. This slipping into innate intelligence may be due to Craig’s enchanting behavior, may be due a sense of relaxation & relief (since exam results had been declared the same afternoon and she had cleared the exams along with a few others), may be accidental, may be due to the ambiance....... there are “N” number of probable reasons and one can never know for sure what made it happen but the bottom line is that on that evening at that party during her conversation with Craig it happened. Now the innate intelligence is the storehouse of all the positivity and goodness in our lives, the moment she slips into it like a flash everything change, everything appears so beautiful, so fresh, so alive and like a pleasant breeze this phenomenon just sweeps Susan (who is now feeling her existence as light as a feather) off her feet. She is experiencing profound SILENCE, the surroundings are merging into each other with indistinct boundaries and amidst this pleasant experience she is with Craig. So Susan sinks into her innate intelligence and COINCIDENTALLY it happens during her conversation with Craig.
Now begins the fundamental mistake. As soon as she reverts to her social intelligence (words and mind stuff) there is an immediate recognition of the pleasant experience she had gone through. “Conversion of a feeling generated in innate intelligence to a mere memory or idea in the format of words and labels of social intelligence” has occurred. But now the social intelligence will not rest, it is like the tiger that has tasted fresh blood.
The social intelligence which is totally unaware of the existence or the reality of innate intelligence immediately gets busy to find out the cause behind the pleasant experience she had had. Craig is identified as the obvious cause for the sense of elation and pleasantness and this precisely is the fundamental error.
“Identification of outer world objects, persons and situations as the cause of happiness which actually was generated within one’s very own self (within one’s own innate intelligence) by the social intelligence”.
Now the greed to obtain and sustain happiness via media Craig takes over Susan and it will keep her restless until she gets enough and more proof, a sought of guarantee, that her new found source of happiness (in this case Craig) would continue to be with her forever. This precisely is the cause for all the worry and excitement initially, “that whether or not this source of happiness would continue to be with me?”
Once Craig hints at his approval then this question (“that whether or not this source of happiness would continue to be with me?”) gets answered and a sense of settlement, relaxation and calm prevails all of a sudden this again pushes her back into her innate intelligence refreshing her and making her feel pleasant and now she comes out even more convinced that Craig is the cause to her happiness and her greed to obtain and sustain this happiness takes firm roots within her. Now she will become possessive and extremely so, since she sees Craig as a resource of her happiness and is haunted by the fear of losing him.
So she eagerly waits to convert this “holiday home of sorts” relationship of theirs where there is a lot of freedom for both individuals especially Craig who is still not completely committed into an “impenetrable castle” of marriage. All this is being done only to ensure that her source of happiness is ensured to stay with her. So when Craig proposes then there is no time to think or wait she takes a plunge she had been so eagerly waiting to.............

THE MIDAS TOUCH, continued

Once we successfully convert a living person into a dead memory we have opened the Pandora’s Box for ourselves. Firstly this golden memory is chiefly composed of nothing but our fantasies about how a person should be (be it husband, wife, friend, brother, in-laws etc...) and partly of edited reality which we have chosen and handpicked to corroborate our pre-existing ideas about them. Secondly no living person can be frozen and reduced to a bunch of dead memories. We had seen in our discussion on the cosmic laws, the four principle forces of nature CREATION, MAINTENANCE, CONSTANT CHANGE (EVOLUTION) and REJUVENATION (DEATH) are busy unrelentingly changing each and everything in the cosmos from galaxies, stars, rivers, rocks and mountains to trees, animals and humans. So how then is it ever possible for a living and ever changing person to continuously live up to a bunch of dead memories and ideas???
We do not understand this principle fallacy (mistake) of ours and then go about declaring that the other person used us, cheated us etc... It is we ourselves cheating us and nobody else. Please understand if a person is continuously able to live up to our golden memories and ideas about him / her then he/she too is dead and lifeless (not necessarily physically but emotionally and mentally) like the gold statues of the king, since living people will be vibrant and changing. If he / she is able to do that then be very sure that we, like the king Midas, have successfully reduced them to a figment of our fantasy and rendered them lifeless.
Instead of intelligently understanding the universal fact that “CHANGE IS THE ONLY CONSTANT THING, NOTHING ELSE CAN REMAIN CONSTANT” we hang on to our golden memories and instead of editing and updating them to the new changes we register “DEVIATIONS”.
Simply put we always cross-refer a person’s present behavior with our golden memory track record about him / her (in case of people whom we dislike it can be called as “stone sculptured memories” but they also function in the same way as the golden memories by not allowing us to see a person afresh in the present moment as he is) then we keep a score. Any behavioral pattern falling out of purview of the expected golden memory pattern is a “DEVIATION”. These deviations can be good or they can be bad.
Now comes the height of cunningness, driven by our greed to obtain and sustain happiness in our lives via the means of the other person we make decorative editions in our golden memory with the new “GOOD DEVIATIONS”, raising the bar of our expectations from the other person further and further higher. But we purposefully fail to do any addition or editing about the “NEGATIVE DEVIATIONS”. Instead we just keep a record of them (negative deviations) in the “THIS IS WRONG, IT SHOULD NOT BE HAPPENING LIKE THIS” folder. As time passes by more and more entries are registered into the “this is wrong, it should not be happening like this” folder and when we compare our golden memory with the current records in the “this is wrong, it should not be happening like this” folder we get overwhelmed and now we begin our drama of declaration of being cheated and used...... etc...
So we can clearly see that what we do in the name of love is nothing but fooling ourselves and choking the other person and then putting the blame on each other.

THE MIDAS TOUCH

Again the same mistake “Conversion of a feeling generated in innate intelligence to a mere memory or idea in the format of words and labels of social intelligence”. But there is more to it than just this alone when relationships are concerned.
Remember the story about a king who prays to god for a boon that whatever he touches should turn to gold. Then he turns his entire beautiful garden into lifeless gold and rejoices in the fulfillment of his madness for money. In his excitement to show the miraculous feats he had achieved while his daughter and wife were asleep he rushed to their room. In the feverish excitement and forgetfulness of his newly obtained boon he shook both his wife and daughter to wake them up and in the process with his “MIDAS TOUCH” turned them into gold too. The story goes on to describe the continued suffering of the king because he is unable to eat or even drink since whatever he touches turns to gold...............
Well sadly we too have blessed (rather cursed) ourselves with the “MENTAL MIDAS TOUCH”.
We are always busy converting the present moment into a GOLDEN MEMORY; we are busy creating beautiful archives of our lives to be presented to ourselves and people around us at a later date that is precisely the reason why we are busy clicking away photos at the sites of breathtaking natural beauties and wondrous monuments instead of enjoying the moment itself then and there. This is on a gross physical plane on a more subtle mental level we do a similar thing. Like the king we too are driven by a kind of greed but this greed is a bit different it is the greed for happiness instead of just gold (we want gold too but happiness is an absolute must). So we too are busy en-robing the people around us, people whom we claim to love, into golden memories with are “MENTAL MIDAS TOUCH”.
So what happens is that we pick and choose the finest moments we had had with that person (whom we claim to love) edit and further refine those moments to suit our fantasy about the ideal person/partner by omitting the events that do not conform to our liking and exaggerating those that we cherish and freeze that living person in a GOLDEN IDEA OR MEMORY about him. A living person is reduced to a dead memory. And from here begin the endless fallacies.
Please understand that the GOLDEN MEMORY drafted about the other person is driven by our own greed to obtain and sustain happiness in our lives via his/her means and this so called golden memory is mostly our own fantasy about the person and only partly (if at all) reality imposed on him/her by us.
This is an act of selfishness driven by the greed of attaining and sustaining happiness for our own selves. But one of utter foolishness too, like the king whose greed for gold leaves him with nothing but suffering and misery within himself and gold on the outside we too are left with beautiful ideas and memories within our head and starkly contradictory events of reality on the outside. We are left feeling cheated, used and miserable. But the entire mistake like the king is ours..................

THE INTRICATE MISTAKE, in relationships

So what exactly was the intricate mistake in all these situations?
“Conversion of a feeling generated in innate intelligence to a mere memory or idea in the format of words and labels of social intelligence”.
So what’s wrong with that? And what has it got to do with relationships?
Susan meets Craig for the first time and somewhere amidst there exciting conversation there occurs one eye contact and she is swept off her feet, a wonderful experience dawns upon her being!!!!!!
Moments later she snaps out of her personal bliss zone and returns to the normalcy of the mundane reality. Now her mind (social intelligence) has kicked into action “this is it......... this is LOVE” “this is what you have been looking for all your life!!!!!!!!” Excitement grips her. This is an Excitement of being in love mixed with the excitement of uncertainty. She is unable to be at rest, she is constantly stormed by “does he love me too?” or “does he not”. All is this is very unlike the soothing and joyous experience she had had upon her first meeting but it is exciting and unrelenting none the less. Day in and day out she figures out ingenious new ways to strike a conversation with Craig and amidst the conversation she is busy scrutinising each and every word and gesture of his to find a clue to the two bothersome duo in her mind “does he love me too?” or “does he not”. As days pass by Craig seems to be resigning into Susan’s persistence and not exactly on a particular day or date but somewhere with indistinct boundaries of date and time they both slowly realize a mutual liking exists between the two. So now Susan gets a sort of confirmation (an indirect one through extrapolation of Craig’s behaviour and by reading between the lines) that Craig also likes her and Craig on the other hand finds a number of characteristics of Susan very affable. So he too is declaring this phenomenon as LOVE to himself.
Now the state of affairs is quiet a pleasing one, the tormenting excitement of “does he love me too?” or “does he not” has been replaced by sense of a more relaxed longing to meet Craig often ,within Susan, and Craig’s doubts and dilemmas about “is she the one?” have given way to “there cannot be any one better”. The eagerly awaited rendezvous, the excitement of meeting each other, stealing glances, the endless exchange of innumerable words, time just evaporating away in each other’s company............... Oh this is bliss..........
And finally it happens; Craig proposes and does so with a genuine style and flair. Susan, who of course has been expecting and eagerly awaiting for this to happen at some point in time, is touched deeply emotionally by his gesture and accepts the proposal amidst the overwhelming tears of joy. They get married and lived happily ever after............????
Yes they do get married and they did live with each other, only for a while though. Slowly the excitement of meeting and being in each other’s company has vanished into thin air without a warning. As days progress to months something drastically different starts to occur , instead of enjoying each other’s company they start enjoying television programmes better and instead of going out with each other they now go out with their friends. As the mounting months give way to the year something dramatically different has started taking place, Susan finds a number of Craig’s habits as extremely repulsive and Craig feels that Susan is intolerably nagging and complaining continuously. The same time which used to fly away and vanish in each other’s presence now seems to have come to a standstill. Everyday is the same heavy drag of nagging, arguing, complaining and then repeating the same cycle afresh the next day with seemingly new agendas.
And then the unthinkable, yet ironically, inevitable happens. They break up.... why???
Because Susan is convinced that Craig is cheating her based on certain circumstantial and situational extrapolations she vehemently pours her wrath on him one night not willing to listen to or give the chance for any explanation. Interestingly Craig is not bothered to give any (explanation) either. He has no reason or interest now to hang on to Susan any further. What follows are nothing but bitter law suits and ugly mudslinging allegations sessions on the days of court hearing.
So what went wrong? And where did it go wrong?

THE RADICAL INSIGHT, the intricate mistake explained

So we do understand that we have been made to chase a “mirage of lasting happiness” until now. There are brief moments of pleasure in life but they are hugely interspersed with prolonged spells of boredom, anxiety, fear of failure and greed of greater success. In essence it’s an unfair deal, there is too much of investment in the form of actual effort, anxiety about the correctness and quality of effort, fear of failure to attain the requisite goal and occasional “run amok” system overrides in the form of greed for greater success completely capsizing our entire system just to get the return in the form of the aimed for goal and momentary whiff of pleasure. But all of this could be changed very easily if we were to agree upon single statement.
“HAPPINESS LIES WITHIN US AND NOT OUTSIDE OF US”.
“Oh come on, I have been hearing that lame statement all my life its absolutely meaningless”, “even if it had a meaning it does not apply to me, I am a person engaged neck deep in daily activities, I have bills to pay, I have a job to do, a promotion to achieve.......... how does it apply to me anyways?”. The mind (social intelligence) has entered its denial and rejection mode even before getting started. (There is a big reason behind this too, as to why our mind is responding in such a cynical fashion to this simple truth, we shall see that too, a bit later though).
Let us analyze this statement in reference to the “sunset view point”, what happened there?
The mind or the social intelligence drops for a while upon witnessing the magnificence and beauty of the sunset at the viewpoint in that perfectly picturesque setting due to two reasons, because it is an entirely new (first time) experience and there is no previous memory label available for the situation and hence it has to be lived “as it is”, secondly natural beauty and magnificence has a capability to override our social intelligence and directly connect with our innate intelligence (if we remain aware and cooperative).
So upon the first visit the social intelligence (that works exquisitely through the past in the form of experience, memory and labels) is dumbfounded by this entirely new experience, secondly the magnificence and grandeur of the natural beauty is easily able to override an already dumbfounded social intelligence and push us into our innate intelligence easily. In essence we live the experience through our innate intelligence and hence it is felt as such an intense and wonderful experience. But as we come to the view point again and again the intensity and the overall quality of our experience keeps declining. The natural beauty and magnificence has not changed, the natural experience is still the same BUT the “ONE WHO EXPERIENCES” has changed.
Now our social intelligence has already created a label for the place as “good”, it has the full backup of memory of past experience, it comes to the view point every time and updates itself with all the useless details as to “how many minutes it takes for complete sunset to occur”, “how many people generally come to witness the sunset”, “how many food stalls are there in and around the place” etc etc....... the endless list of useless facts and figures. So every time we come back to the view point the mind or the social intelligence becomes stronger and stronger about the place. So now not only does it NOT get dumbfounded immediately upon witnessing the picturesque panorama it also RESISTS the attempts of override by natural beauty to directly connect with our innate intelligence. And hence slowly keeps diluting our experience, until it declares the sunset view point as FAMILIAR. That is the death blow, since as soon as anything is declared FAMILIAR by social intelligence it becomes its “sovereign domain” and no interference of innate intelligence in it would be allowed,this is a part of “LABELED AND LEFT OUT” phenomenon (will be dealt with later in detail). Hence as soon as the social intelligence or the mind becomes familiar with a situation, place or person (or declares a situation or person familiar) there will be no room for innate intelligence there. So the same sunset view point which when lived through (although without our understanding of the phenomenon) the innate intelligence was such a splendidly profound experience at the first visit is now reduced to a boring drag of WAITING for the sun to quickly sink in and disappear within a few subsequent visits.
This is precisely the reason why we all love SURPRISES, since there are no memories for that situation and hence social intelligence gets is dumbfounded for those moments and hence lets us easily slip into innate intelligence for a few moments which seem to be so joyous and so pleasurable!!!!
Because “HAPPINESS LIES WITHIN US AND NOT OUTSIDE OF US”.

THE INTRICATE MISTAKE 2, continued

So what exactly happened at the sunset view point? And how does a similar phenomenon occur in every aspect of our lives including relationships?
Well............ the phenomenon that happened at the sunset view point is called “LABELED AND LEFT OUT”. So what is this “labeled and left out” phenomenon?
To understand this phenomenon we need to make a revolutionary shift in our basic understanding of life as a whole itself!!!!!!!!!!!!
All are lives we have been endlessly deluded with the idea that happiness lies somewhere outside of us. It is there in achieving great marks/grades in the exams, it is there in going to great universities and pursuing the fanciest of courses, it is there in having the most beautiful/handsome girl/boy as your girlfriend/boyfriend, it is there in having a “cool” group of friends to hang out with, it is there in getting a job with the fattest pay check, it is there in having a perfect man/woman as your husband/wife ...........................the list is endless and it does not stop even at the funeral pyre or the burial ground because there are pre-defined criterion of a good death and how to attain a perfect after life too!!!!!!!!!!
So all our lives we just keep striving helplessly and obviously without a choice to attain all these pre-determined criterion's of a “GOOD LIFE” without even reflecting even once over its reality. Each one of us has surely crossed some of the above mentioned marks, or fulfilled the pre-determined criterion's, of a “GOOD LIFE”. Let us at first take a good, honest, a critically analytical and a totally unbiased look at own lives. Are we living the promised “GOOD LIFE”?
Yes of course there have been moments of celebration upon attaining the gold medal, the promotion, the best job offer, the perfect life partner etc...... But at what price?
364 days were spent with the waxing and waning botheration about the 365th day of result announcement, 364 days were spent with a constant irritation and worry about the impending promotion on the 365th day, 364 days were spent with the crest and trough of faith and doubt about the great job offer etc.........our entire lives were reduced to just one background thought of a constant scuffle between two thoughts “will it happen?” (Our dream coming true) or “will it not”. If it did (that is we did succeed in attaining what we wanted to) then how long did the exhilaration last? A week? A month? A month is probably too much to ask for!!!!! As soon as we attained one landmark on our laid out road to “GOOD LIFE” our mind was already off to the other landmark. Sometimes it wasn’t even there to celebrate the achievement. No sooner did we get our gold medal for graduation and the mind was already brooding over great jobs and hefty pay checks it wasn’t even there at the awards ceremony!!!
So we clearly see that we are running after a “mirage of lasting happiness” that only goes further and further away (in time, as in the future, and in newer achievements) from us the more we chase or try to come near it.

THE INTRICATE MISTAKE 1

Suppose we go to a beautiful hill station with the perfect environment as we would like to. We happened to enjoy a marvelous sunset over there. As we witness the grandeur and magnificence of nature suddenly our inner chatter of unceasing words within our social intelligence ceases and we, almost by accident, are pushed into our deeper self (the innate intelligence) a genuine stir of feelings occurs in our innate intelligence as we connect with the nature around us, an “instantaneous awareness of the present moment as it happens”. By the time the sunset is over and we are ready to head back we have already converted our feelings into an experience, a gray (transition) zone between innate and social intelligence, by LABELING it as good (a good experience).if at this moment we remain silent and contained within ourselves we would be able to relive the experience and continue to experience similar, if not the same, joy we were experiencing during the actual event (sunset). But by the time we reach home (or the holiday resort) we have already transferred the whole incident from our innate intelligence to our social intelligence as a memory in the format of words “oh it was such a nice experience at the view point, the sunset between the hills, chirping of birds, the pleasant breeze etc......” etc... But this word document of memory has the attachment of experience tagged along with it. So every time we hear or think (words, word document) of that sunset view point automatically the linked attachment of experience also opens up in our system, without our knowledge of course, and fills our system up with that pleasant experience we had had. And here begins the fundamental error. Now we start believing that going to that view point will give us pleasure. We start visiting the view point often, but with every passing visit the intensity of our pleasurable experience seems to be reducing and yet we do come back with those same words “oh it was such a nice experience at the view point, the sunset between the hills, chirping of birds, the pleasant breeze etc......” reeling in our heads. Though we keep repeating these same words, just a layer underneath them (words) we are acutely aware of the fact that it does not feel the same, the intensity, the joy, the contentment all of it seems to be fading away. By now the visit to the view point has become more of a ritual, it is a drag and no joy or pleasant experience emerges out of it. Slowly we start feeling that the place is not that great after all, we don’t just stop at that we revisit our memory files and make corrections even there. Reducing or even falsifying the intensity of previous experiences, thus creating conflicts and contradictions within ourselves.
Well.... what just happened with the view point happens with almost everything in our life and sadly that everything includes our relationships too.

THE INSUFFICIENCY part 2

So where are we going with this discussion? what do we want to bring to light or highlight with all these examples???
“Words or languages are good at conveying a broad overview of things and facts (as in numbers, figures etc...) but they fail miserably when it comes to conveying, or replicating in the minds of others, minute and precise details of PEOPLE, SITUATIONS and EXPERIENCES”.
This is what we want to highlight, the insufficiency of the language to objectively and precisely convey details in the THREE most important domains of our lives that are “PEOPLE, SITUATIONS and EXPERIENCES”. We saw very clearly in the previous example how the discussion over Mr. Albert (people) generated a myriad variety of responses due to the different environments in which they had met (situations) leading to very distinctively different experiences. The example of the Boxer breed dog highlights the fact that no matter how much ever amount of factual data is pumped into the information provided the responses generated in each and every mind are markedly different and is based on their experiences in life.
EXPERIENCE is very closely related to feelings; in fact no experience whatsoever is possible without the involvement of one or the other faculty of feeling. A very subtle understanding exists at this juncture. An experience is generated, or takes birth, beyond the social intelligence and hence is beyond language or words. It (experience) is generated via media feelings. Feelings as we would remember are defined as “an INSTANTANEOUS AWARENESS generated within our system either in response to an outer world stimulus or situation or instantaneous awareness of our inner self WITHOUT the involvement of words or language”. During the moments of its occurrence there is only feeling alone an instantaneous awareness that’s all. After the passage of the moment the recollection of what had happened, the reminiscence of the past moment and the instantaneous awareness generated by it is what we call as an EXPERIENCE. So in essence an experience is a MEMORY of a feeling.
Memory as we would remember is defined as “an “INNER WORLD REPLICA” of an outer world incident”. This is very subtle and demands keen attention. Feelings generate experience which creates a memory. So in essence something beyond words or language happens within us in our innate intelligence (feelings), which remains in a gray zone between innate and social intelligence immediately after the passing of the incident and the feeling. Later in time all these events (feelings and experiences) which occurred in the innate intelligence get transferred and recorded for the purpose of archiving and ease of retrieval (since we mostly operate from social and rarely or only accidentally from innate intelligence) into the social intelligence in the form of words. And this is that critical juncture of a very fine understanding that when an event beyond words and language gets recorded in the form of words and language discrepancies are bound to occur. This is one of the foundation stones of all our confusions, mistakes and miseries

THE INSUFFICIENCY part 1

So now we understand that in our case we do a clear violation of the “felling – thought – verbalization – expression” pathway by starting at the wrong place that is thoughts instead of feelings. But that is only natural to us because we are stationed within our social intelligence and have lost all links with our innate intelligence which is the true birth place of feelings. So the language which was born to express the feelings in the first place has now overridden and overwritten its own creator, the feelings. Please understand that the language was born out of the FEELING of necessity to smoothly and effectively communicate but now language itself has filled, occupied and completely cloaked our entire system, so much so that its own creator (the feelings) is hard to find in our system. Language (a facet of social intelligence) has created a poor substitute, a cheap replica of feelings that is MOOD and we are repeatedly fooled by it into accepting moods as our feelings. But our previous discussion has made the difference between the two (moods & feelings) amply clear. Now when we communicate without feelings and purely through thoughts we are in desperate need of a “Common reference database” in the form of language we use but this “Common reference database” defined previously as “a generalized agreement upon MEANINGS IMPLIED by a variety of syllables, sounds, gestures and script symbols for the ease of conveying thoughts, ideas and feelings between individuals” has its limitations after a certain point. For example the words DOG refers to dogs as we all know the animal that we all know so well for its loyalty (and barking) but each one of us in our own minds and according to our own experience and likings is seeing a different breed of dog ( an Alsatian or a beagle or poodle etc...) . They are all dogs none the less but each starkly apart a poodle against a bull dog or a Chihuahua against a boxer are all worlds apart. This example aims to expose the inadequacy of language and its shortfall at its ability to convey details beyond a certain limit. One may argue that in the previous example if instead of the words DOG had a specific breed name been mentioned then each and every reader would have visualized the same thing. Wrong again!!!! Well even if the specific breed name was mentioned each one of us would only end up imagining (visualizing in our minds) that dog of that breed which we have seen and then again the differences between individual dogs of each breed are stark. So now we get downright ridiculous we say “a 7 years of age boxer dog of 80 pound weight, 24 inches height, with distinctive drooping jowls, a sleek, tight fitting coat that needs minimal attention.” Is everyone able to see that same boxer in their mind..............? Impossible. So now let us discuss another example but with a more human touch to it. A group of people are at a party and an elderly lady makes a reference about a common acquaintance of the group, Mr. Albert, who has yet not arrived and is delayed. One lady is all praises and says that Albert is such a charming and obedient person, she is his aunt. A young man present there just smiles (and does not speak) but holds a contrastingly opposite opinion, he feels that Mr. Albert is an overambitious, domineering and very intolerant man, he is Mr. Albert’s subordinate at the office. A young lady, one amongst the gathering, feels that Uncle Albert is the most charming and considerate person in the entire family, she is his niece. Another person just chuckles and nods his head in disagreement without saying a word but he feels that Mr. Albert is the most callous, insensitive and deceptive person on the planet, he is a customer to whom Mr. Albert sold a piece of property through his firm.
Please understand all the people at the party are talking about only one person, and they all know him well (unlike our unseen boxer breed,dog,example), yet the images, visualizations and feelings generated upon referral of that one name are so very different. At one end is love and respect and at the other are anger, disgust and hatred.

MOODS Vs FEELINGS

In the previous post, labeled THE PROCESS, we understood what exactly the natural pathway of expression was, “feeling – thought – verbalization – expression”. Equipped with the insight of “what should be” we are now in a better position to understand “what actually is happening” in our own lives.
To begin with, we have been totally cut off from our root that is our own innate intelligence. This has lead to a major blockade in our ability to relate to feelings with clarity. Hence we are living most if not all our lives with thoughts and very little if any with feelings. So the very start or the root of the “feeling – thought – verbalization – expression” process is disrupted since instead of beginning with feelings we begin with thoughts. Before we go any further let us also understand clearly that MOODS are different from FEELINGS.
Moods are nothing but PERSISTENT THOUGHTS, thoughts with a capability of prolonged stay in our system, they have the capacity to become the background upon which further new thoughts of a similar pattern emerge and hence linger on in our system. For example a thought comes to mind that “I should go to the market and buy some grocery”. This thought will fulfill itself and disappear once we visit the market and get the grocery. On the other hand, if we visit the market and find it closed for some reason then a sense of disappointment takes over our system. Now just like any other thought this sense of disappointment should also leave us as soon as we leave the closed market and head for home. But it does not; this sense of disappointment becomes a mood and sets off an entire pattern of thoughts based on it. Now thoughts start coming in “oh all the grocery is about to get over what will I do tomorrow?”, “what if the market remains closed tomorrow also?”, “what if the banks are also closed today and don’t receive my cheque payment, today was the last day of payment?”, “what if this and what if that......” a pattern of negativity and failure grips our system due an isolated and unrelated incidence triggering off a PERSISTENT THOUGHT. This is what we call a mood.
Feelings on the other hand are an INSTANTANEOUS AWARENESS generated within our system either in response to an outer world stimulus or situation or instantaneous awareness of our inner self WITHOUT the involvement of words or language. For example, when we see magnificent scenery, such as a beautiful sunrise or snow clad mountains etc..., we instantaneously feel a sense of joy within ourselves a sense of happiness pervades throughout our system. But please be very clear that this sense of pleasure or joy is independent of words or language, we just feel it. Only when asked “how was it?” or later just for the sake of expression and categorization of the event in our life for our own selves we reply using words such as joyful, pleasant etc... But at that instant of experiencing the moment the pleasure or joy did not come to us in the form of repetition of words such as joy, joy, joy or pleasure, pleasure, pleasure. It was just an instantaneous awareness generated within our system which was given a name, such as joy or pain etc..., at a later moment in time in order to classify and categorize the moment. This categorization and classification is the LABELING function of social intelligence which we have previously discussed.

THE PROCESS

THE PROCESS
To begin with we need to understand the entire process of “feeling – thought – verbalization – expression”. Though difficult to understand or believe in our present state and due persistent societal conditioning since birth, the first in this process are feelings. It was only when the feeling to (necessity must also be FELT) to communicate arose it became a thought which expressed itself in the form of a generalized agreement upon MEANINGS IMPLIED by a variety of syllables, sounds, gestures and script symbols so as to facilitate communication. This understanding, that it is the feelings that arise first, is very critical, vital and pivotal. Critical because it has the capacity to change our very state of being in a flash of a moment. Vital because it can be used a check mechanism (we will come to that later) and pivotal because it is this knowledge that can help us do the act of striking the fine balance between the inner and outer world.
We FEEL good in the company and presence of a person, this feeling is sensed by our social intelligence it quickly identifies the feeling as good in a flash of its thought process and sticks the label good on it and starts verbalizing by pumping up words like “I feel so good”, “it feels so nice being with you”, “I really enjoy your company” etc... Now this is a very crucial bit of understanding, that all these words of praise have been generated by social intelligence in response to a genuine stir of pleasant feelings in the innate intelligence hence these words are TRUE they are ALIVE. Now to express them or not to express them is totally up to us, whether we remain silent or communicate what we feel inside is voluntary but only this last bit, that is expression, is under our control rest of it has already happened involuntarily within us. These words, as mentioned in the example above, have followed the true and natural flow of “feeling – thought – verbalization – expression” and hence are true and have meaning .Now we can clearly see why this understanding is so critical, it defines TRUTH for an individual. We can gauge anything and everything we speak (and hear too) as truth or false. All we need to do is trace back their origin. If the words we have spoken have arisen within us from the very depth of our feelings they are true and if they have just been “thought – verbalized – expressed” by-passing their origin at the depths of feelings (may be due to some vested interests or ulterior motives) they are false. Similarly, but this demands a higher level of mental & emotional clarity as to the ability to operate from the innate intelligence and not get stuck with the social intelligence, we can gauge the truth in the words we hear. If the words that we have heard are allowed to percolate into our innate intelligence, and not just get blocked out at the level of social intelligence, then we would find that with a flash of feelings in an instant we would be aware if the words contain any truth or not. This is why this understanding of “feeling – thought – verbalization – expression” process is so vital, because it serves as a check mechanism. It can keep a constant check on the truthfulness of inflow and outflow of words within our “MIND-BODY ORGANISM”.
With this check mechanism installed into our “MIND-BODY ORGANISM” we can constantly be aware of the truth inside and outside of us. This awareness brings in immense clarity within us and hence automatically allows us to function better in the outer world.
But due to our continuous conditioning and a socio-cultural milieu that never teaches, expects or allows us to look into all these facets of our existential reality we have totally severed all our links with our innate intelligence and hence our true feelings. And this is how the “FROM COMMUNICATION TO CONFUSION” phenomenon takes birth.

COMMON REFERENCE DATABASE

So what exactly is this entity?
It is one of the rare paradoxes staring straight into the human eyes but without even earning their attention, leave alone perplexing them. It is a THE basic software necessary to run THE most vital necessity of society, the function which is not just a function but also the very foundation of any society, COMMUNICATION. Yes indeed, no society can exist without communication amongst its members. In fact it is only through communication that an understanding is arrived at, responsibilities are assigned, rights are explained and interaction to further propagate, innovate and improve a certain action, ideology or function are brought to being. In essence the very fabric of society is woven and brought to existence by the thread of communication.
What communication is to society, “Common reference database” is to communication. That is, “Common reference database” is the thread that has woven and brought into being the possibility of communication. It not only forms the very basis of communication it is the very fabric from which the dress of communication has been prepared. So how do we define “Common reference database”?
It would be defined as “a generalized agreement upon MEANINGS IMPLIED by a variety of syllables, sounds, gestures and script symbols for the ease of conveying thoughts, ideas and feelings between individuals”. Please understand that this definition may seem to be defining language and its script but it is not so it goes a step beyond, it explains the very origin of language.
By their very nature sounds, syllables and symbols have no meaning. For example if the shape of all the letters in front of our eyes were to be changed they would suddenly become meaningless patches of black and white to us but the new shape they have taken would continue to convey the same meaning and insight to some other person (as these shapes, or words do to us) because these new shapes are Japanese and the person reading them is conversant with it. Similarly these shapes and symbols (or words as we like to call them) though conveying a lot between us are no more than black patterns on white sheet (totally meaningless) to a person who does not understand English script.
Similarly with words, what sounds as meaningless gibberish to a person from one country is a complete language to others of a different country (example, Chinese to an Englishman). So we see clearly that neither the symbols of script nor the sounds of language have any inherent meaning its only our “generalized agreement upon MEANINGS IMPLIED by a variety of syllables, sounds, gestures and script symbols for the ease of conveying thoughts, ideas and feelings between individuals”, through conditioning (at home, in socio-cultural milieu) and education (at school and in the socio-cultural environment), that gives them their (the symbols of script and the sounds of language) attached meaning.
Here again we must emphasize the importance of this mutual agreement (upon MEANINGS IMPLIED by a variety of syllables, sounds, gestures and script symbols) since it is because of this agreement only languages could be developed and hence communication made possible between individuals. And as ever from here begins the interesting part, from the innate intelligence sprung out this innovative concept of agreeing upon MEANINGS IMPLIED by a variety of syllables, sounds, gestures and script symbols to facilitate communication but as always our social intelligence mishandled this wonderful tool completely. This forms the basis of “FROM COMMUNICATION TO CONFUSION” phenomenon.

THE REAL SECRET BEHIND ALL SUCCESS

So how then these great inventions, discoveries, ideologies and developments happen???
INNATE INTELLIGENCE. Please be very clear that anything that is genuinely genuine and worthwhile (or groundbreaking) has had its origin in the innate intelligence. If we were to look closely into the lives of all the great scientists, inventors and achievers we will find one thing in common. That is their detachment from social intelligence. If we look into their lives we would find that they were a subject of mockery and ridicule, they were labeled as dreamers, eccentrics and preachers of blasphemy but none of it deterred them from doing what they were doing. They did not require any social consensus or survey of belief in them. Their belief in themselves and what they were pursuing was enough. This was possible because they were operating from a totally different space of innate intelligence and NOT social intelligence. They did not let the imposed boundaries of pre-existing logic and knowledge curb their visions and dreams of new possibilities. They could hang on to their convictions even in the face of extreme adversity since their conviction was rooted in their innate intelligence (at least for their vision or dream, if not the entire personality). Once successful they get hounded and surrounded by the astounded and dazed social intelligence in the form of media, interviews and fan following all of whom are social intelligence centered and are just dumbfound at these new inventions, discoveries or achievements. Since anything new, fresh, creative or genuine is an impossibility for social intelligence which is nothing but a SEEMINGLY (not actually) LOGICAL CONCLUSION DRAWN FROM PAST applied to live the present and project the future.
So now we clearly understand that all great things that were worth achieving, whose achievement shaped our society of today and which makes our lives more convenient and better than the past were achieved through the rooting of individuals in their innate intelligence. Of course for the expression of all these great achievements social intelligence was necessary.
For example, by seeing the falling apple Newton could understand the concept of gravity in a flash within his innate intelligence but to express the same in a communicable, reproducible, lucid mathematical form he needed the help of social intelligence and a tiresome battery of experiments and equations. Similarly by imagining himself to be sitting on the edge of a light beam to the edge of the universe Albert Einstein could, in a flash of innate intelligence, grasp the entire concept of relativity but to be able to convey the same ideas to each and every individual in a uniformly consistent, objective, reproducible and lucid format he too had to utilize the social intelligence in the form of language, physics, mathematics etc...
So we understand that innate intelligence is the true propeller of our society towards development, inventions, discoveries and enormous achievements.
But how does it occur and the actual mechanics of the same shall be discussed when innate intelligence to us starts becoming a real reality more than the social intelligence itself and it does not just remain an empty word anymore.

THE REAL SPEARHEAD OF DEVELOPMENT

SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE is culturally confined, exclusive, imposing and rigid. If these were to be the hallmarks of social intelligence then how could we come so far, from hunting in the jungles to our voyages to mars and moon???
Social intelligence is purely reference based that is, “it is written like this in the text book don’t question it, are you smarter than the books?”, oh what a pity and irony those text books were also written by human beings like us and that which is valued as the ultimate cutting edge today goes into the dustbin or at the maximum appears in history books 50 years later, then why so much undue importance to the printed text?
It was social intelligence that persecuted Galileo Galilee when he discovered that earth was not the center of the universe. It was social intelligence that made the mockery of Orville and Wilbur Wright, the Wright brothers, when they started experimenting with the possibility of flight. It was social intelligence that had a hearty laugh at Albert Einstein when it (social intelligence) was unable to comprehend his concepts of mass energy conversion and his insights into relativity. So we see clearly that all that whatever we appreciate as great and ground breaking today was a matter of ridicule and scorn at its inception and social intelligence is to blame for all the ridicule and scorn.
Social intelligence is born in present out of past, that is it is the sum total of all our understandings from the entire past up till this moment. Social intelligence views the present moment through the looking glass of past information and projects the future as per its understanding of past. So there is no room for freshness, creativity, originality and innovation. Social intelligence is nothing but past lived in the present and projected into future, it like living a life in a continuous flashback mode. That precisely is the reason why we end up in “same situations different places, similar relations or relation dramas different faces”. If we were to closely and keenly analyze our lives we would be surprised to see that we are almost living a PATTERN in our lives in everything we do. From school through college to work place we are stuck in same performance levels (mediocre remains mediocre and failures remain failures). From adolescence to present day each and every relationship we have is running itself at a spinal level in a pattern we have created for it with no freshness, no liveliness, no excitement or joy at its core.
For example, certain people have a pattern of becoming familiar with the other person very quickly then entering into a very intense relationship soon the intensity dies off and so does their interest in the other person and they just sit and wait (unknowingly, subconsciously though) to find a reason an excuse to put some blame on the other person and walk out of the relation and the person.
Some people have the pattern of being extremely enthusiastic, positive, and optimistic and dedicated towards their NEW job. But as soon as the NEW job does NOT remain NEW anymore their enthusiasm turns into boredom, their positivity turns into fault finding with the system, their optimism becomes delusion of “overburden and exploitation” and their dedication soon turns into excuses and lethargy.
We too like the people exemplified above have a pattern in each and every aspect of our life (we may have identified it or may not have) and we religiously and dutifully continue to live it even without our knowledge because we choose to live by the staleness of social intelligence.
Social intelligence is nothing but a SEEMINGLY (not actually) LOGICAL CONCLUSION DRAWN FROM PAST applied to live the present and project the future. That is why no innovation, no creativity, no discovery or invention is possible by social intelligence since all these have never happened (occurred) in the past and there are no logical ways, means or understanding available to accomplish the same.

WHO AM I?

SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE, yes this is the answer to this question that has intrigued humanity since eternity (who am I?) it is NOT a complete and absolute answer though. But at the same time it is a truly factual reply to the initiator of the question.
We as we are, we in our present state as we know and understand ourselves and the world around us are nothing more than a singular facet, a singular dimension of our multifaceted, multidimensional existence and that singular dimension (facet) is SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE.
This SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE is an implant into our multifaceted, multidimensional system from the society and due to our improper handling of it now it has become our singular dimension of existence. So we must understand that we have completely lost our individuality all that remains of us nothing but our social identity that is why we are in this constant need of social approval for anything and everything that we do or do not do. And this precisely is the answer to the question “But why do we do this, justifying our own discrepancies and in capabilities by falsely alleging the entire society to be in a similar status, condition, behavioural pattern or capability (or incapability) as ours???”.
Since we (as of now, in this present state of ours) are nothing more than the SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE software, imported and installed into our system of MIND-BODY ORGANISM by the society around us, we are in a constant and pressing need of approval by the society around us for anything and everything that we do or do not do. Just like an installed software repeatedly requests updates from its parent firm, we (social intelligence) also seek repeated confirmation and updating from our parent firm that is the society.
And that is precisely the reason why we justify all our discrepancies and in capabilities by furnishing false social statistics of generalizations such as EVERYBODY and NOBODY.
But what we need to understand here is that though living in a society as community has done a great lot of good to us in terms of providing us with our basic necessities such as food, water, sanitation, education, shelter, protection etc... our present state of development, advancement and continuing progress from hunters to farmers to organized kingdoms to modern day societies has got nothing to do with social intelligence other than its (modality of advancement and progress) mere expression!!!!!!!!!!!

SOME MORE CLARIFICATION

“But how do I know for sure if it is the end of journey for me or just the beginning?” an obvious question that springs up after the last discussion labeled “so near and yet so far”. Please understand this very question “but how do I know......” is a testament that we haven’t awakened in our INNATE INTELLIGENCE. If the person realizes that he is not his virtual self (internet avatar) he would automatically and simultaneously be aware of his real and virtual self, he would naturally and obviously handle both his identities with ease and without doubt. But if he were to be stuck with his virtual self just imagining, contemplating or dreaming about the possibility of a physical reality without actually realizing or awaking into it then all sorts of doubts and discrepancies to this theory would arise. Such as “if I am the body then why am I unable to be in total control of this virtual self?”, “if I am the body then why do I still feel hungry after having eaten so much food?”Etc...
So if this doubt, this question arises within us then we can rest assured that our journey is yet to begin.
The anticipation is palpable and excitement is only natural. We are finally going to begin for what we had been preparing since past 2 months, SELF INTEGRATION. But here again a word of caution becomes necessary. The caution, please understand, is not being given out of fear of any anticipation of ill effects or to generate fear and deterrence with regard to these insights and understandings rather it (caution) is being issued out of genuine concern.
A Genuine concern about the true, effective, really transforming and lasting APPLICATION of these insights into our lives instead of making them just another momentarily uplifting reading.
We will now take a look at a few more fine points of insight into our own modus operandi (modality of functioning). Consider the following, if a person is blind from birth there is no way he can be made to understand or feel the beauty of a sunrise or magnanimity of an ocean, it’s just impossible. It is so because he does not have the same “COMMON REFERENCE DATABASE” as ours.
Let first understand the concept of “common reference database”. Well, put simply it is a generalization of our likes, dislikes, preferences and believes, our entire experience of and with life on to the entire humanity or to our own socio-cultural milieu at least.
For example if a person is cornered lying he would immediately throw up “oh come on EVERYBODY lies it’s only a question of getting caught”. Ask an alcoholic and he will assure you that EVERYBODY on this planet can be put in three simple categories
1. Consuming alcohol in public and accepting the same
2. Consuming alcohol in privacy and denying it
3. Dying to consume alcohol but yet have been unable to
Ask a promiscuous person about his infidelity and he will also offer you a similar worldwide classification system. Ask a person caught taking bribe and you would be astounded by his belief in this “classifying the entire world into three categories” thing.
Even in our lives we do a similar thing, if we do not succeed at an exam or a project we immediately collect the references of all the people who had failed doing the same, we vouch for their (people who had failed) credentials and the unfairness and disrepute of the exam simultaneously.
If we shy away from a bigger cause or a social responsibility (like standing up against corrupt top management of a company or voicing our opinion against oppressive behavior of a teacher or professor) we urgently summon logical rationalizations such as “oh come on this is real life not a movie we can’t be opposing or going against the system NOBODY does that”.
If we closely examine all the above mentioned examples we will find one stark similarity in all of them and that is EVERYBODY and NOBODY. That is a generalization meant to blanket the entire human population or at least our own ambient socio-cultural environment.
But why do we do this, justifying our own discrepancies and in capabilities by falsely alleging the entire society to be in a similar status, condition, behavioral pattern or capability (or incapability) as ours???

THE MISNOMER

So before we embark upon our journey of “self integration” let us understand that in the absolute sense there is no destination “self integration”!!!!!!!!!
“Self integration” is actually a misnomer in true sense. Consider an idol which out of sheer neglect has been thrown into mud pit. Years after years layers after layers of mud accumulate and harden over it. What then needs to be done if we wanted to retrieve the idol from this seemingly unsightly, randomly shaped, huge and layered mass of hardened mud?
Hammering or chiseling out of all the layers of mud accumulated around it, that’s all!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Similarly we also due to our consistent neglect have accumulated innumerable layers of conditioning around our true self or innate intelligence. We seem so fractured, so disintegrated, so fragmented within our present selves because these conditioning's (mud) within our system (or rather over the beautiful idol of our true, innate self)) are layered. They are arranged in layers of time, layers of intensity of experience, layers of importance etc etc..... so we do not actually need to rearrange and integrate all this mud of conditioning over our system our true self. We just need to hammer and chisel them away!!!!!!!!!!!
The beautiful and innately integrated idol of our being would automatically come out, it would automatically shine through. Please understand all our hammering and chiseling has done nothing to create the idol it always was there as it is. The hammering and chiseling has just removed the innumerable layers of mud and dirt accumulated around the idol, that’s all.
A word of caution though, the end result is amazing, miraculous even. It’s like a person indiscriminately pounding with a hammer and a chisel on a seemingly unsightly, randomly shaped, huge and layered mass of hardened mud and suddenly an intricately “carved to perfection” idol, a wondrous and marvelous piece of art appears from within it.
But let us also remember that the idol has resurfaced from that unsightly block of mud only after taking the blows of hammer and the cuts of the chisel. So we must understand that there is nothing to integrate; only consistent disintegration needs to be done to attain the automatically integrated and innately beautiful and wondrous state that we already have within ourselves but are unable to relate to due to the innumerable layers of social conditioning's around us.

SO NEAR & YET SO FAR

So now that it’s amply clear and the root cause of all our problems and sufferings has been found, “Forgetting our true self our INNATE INTELLIGENCE (/nature/self) and believing ourselves to be mere SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE”, the obvious solution is at hand, “REMEMBERING OUR TRUE INNATE SELF”................................................................................................................
Sadly though this simple solution is not such a simplicity anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks to our consistent, persistent and sole identification with our SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE we have totally incapacitated ourselves from being able to relate to or associate with our own INNATE INTELLIGENCE. INNATE INTELLIGENCE to us seems like a distant philosophical entity possessed by sages in Himalayas something that neither exists nor concerns us. And it is due to this handicap of ours we are being forced to take a long detour “so near & yet so far” seems so apt to this situation. We are at a grasps distance to finding the panacea to all the ailments of our lives and yet we are no where even close to getting it due our complete lack of ability to associate with our innate intelligence or so to say our imprisonment within our social intelligence.
It is our inability to be without our social intelligence even for a second that is forcing us to take such a long detour to find the final solution to a perfect living.
For those of us in whom the word INNATE intelligence strikes a chord, this scenario of being able to step out of our SOCIAL intelligence and live with our true innate self is a reality; the journey has come to an end for them. From here on these writings would have nothing more, nothing worthwhile to add unto you. You have dropped back to your source, just like the person realizing that he is not just his virtual self (INTERNET AVATAR) but a physical body and a mind of which the virtual self is just a psychological extension, and now you automatically will have the intelligence to do what is to be done, to know what is to be known and live the way you are supposed to live.
But for those of us to whom the words such as INNATE INTELLIGENCE, TRUE SELF etc are as alien as extraterrestrial life forms themselves (if they exist at all?) the journey is just about to begin!!!!!!!!!
We are at the brink of beginning a journey. A journey back to ourselves, our true selves. The self integration process is about to begin.............

THE ORIGINAL SIN continued

This example would amply clarify what we mean by “improper handling”.
Suppose we were to design a virtual self replica or what is popularly known as INTERNET AVATAR. We would make it the way we ourselves really want to be in the real world. Now suppose we engage ourselves the whole day and whole night in making this INTERNET AVATAR (virtual self replica) in attaining perfection for the INTERNET AVATAR and somehow get so lost into it that we start believing the INTERNET AVATAR as our real selves (seems too far fetched but just hang on a little while).
Now when we feel hungry we feed the INTERNET AVATAR with virtual food available in the virtual world, this gives momentary psychological relief due to our extremely strong sense of attachment of identity with this virtual self. But it will never subdue the hunger pangs of our real physical body. So the body again knocks us with hunger pangs. We get surprised because we had just had food (in the virtual world though). We again feed our virtual self in the virtual world (because of our total identification of identity with our virtual self and lack of remembrance of our real physical self) and this time we stuff ourselves to the throat. This time again we obtain some more momentary psychological relief. But soon enough the real physical body throws up severe hunger pangs that twist our intestines and now we start getting frustrated we don’t know what to do, we feel “oh come on I just stuffed myself twice in past one hour how can I still be hungry?, there must be something wrong with me I must see a doctor”. Now the real problem begins, the more we try to find the solution to this problem in the virtual world the more frustrated and depressed we would get because no solution would be forthcoming with lasting results. And our hunger of the real physical body would only keep getting worse.
Though very unrealistic and humorous SHOCKINGLY it is our own TRUE story.
This is what is meant by “improper handling” of SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE. We have lost ourselves in it so much so that it has become our whole identity, our entire life and instead of we using it (SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE ), it (SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE) is using us.
Forgetting our true self our INNATE INTELLIGENCE (/nature/self) and believing ourselves to be mere SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE alone is the ORIGINAL SIN the root of all our troubles, complexities and sufferings.

THE ORIGINAL SIN

As the heading proclaims now we will enter into the domain of understanding “what went wrong and where?”
After expanding our understanding of functioning of society and its direct effect on our own way of functioning, living and conducting our lives we might find SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE implanted within our system to be a distasteful entity an unwelcome guest because of its shrewd, selfish, business like nature infiltrating every nook and corner of our life with or without our knowledge.
But please understand that the SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE is not at fault it is we ourselves who are to blame for this present condition of ours. It is our improper handling that is to be blamed. Desserts are desserts they cannot be had for starters and main course. If taken in such a fashion it will only cause suffocation and nausea. Similarly SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE is also a dessert to be added at the end of the main course of our INNATE INTELLIGENCE. But we have been outrageously abusive with it we have had it for breakfast, lunch, supper and dinner, with tea, coffee and juice for all portions and courses of our existential meal.
That is instead of using social intelligence we are being used by the social intelligence. Let us clarify this statement.
Memory & social etiquette's. Understanding, adoption and living of social customs, traditions, relations and the shining jewel in the crown, language (to help us express ourselves to the outer world, to interact, to communicate and express ourselves) are all the various facets of SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE. Also the fact that our staying together as a society has allowed each and every one of us to specialize in one particular field and bring out the best from it for the common good and benefit of all since time immemorial and hence has not only aided but acted as a catalyst to our scientific, economic, medical, technological and infrastructural betterment and constant development which was an impossibility for individuals to achieve without the security, food, shelter and resources provided by the society to them.
So we must clearly reaffirm the importance and contribution of society and social intelligence in our lives before we go any further.

DEEPER INTO THE SOCIO-MENTAL SETUP

Now we have come to understand that we are constantly, sometimes obviously, clearly and consciously and at other times subtly, finely and subconsciously, judging people around us by two primary criterions
I. Is he/she of any direct or indirect help/utility to me (it may be physical, mental, emotional, financial, social etc...)
II. What is this persons money making potential or capacity or his monetary worth.
Please understand very clearly that this is the way we function in each and every relationship and aspect of our life no matter how unpalatable this fact may appear.
The mind quickly jumps and says “oh come on this is nonsense I love my parents selflessly” or “I love my children without judging them” or “I love my husband or wife without any reasoning”.
Children love parents who listen to them and fulfil their demands and wishes. Parents love children who become the extension of their life their desires. One issue of a no to a love marriage from parents or taking a child wanting to take arts instead of science or choosing to become an engineer instead of a doctor or an issue of settling abroad is good enough to expose the flourishing forest of unsaid expectations in a moment between children and parents.
One incident of failing to live up to the norms or standards set up between them vehemently exposes the fallacies of lovers amongst themselves.
Please understand that we have become a true reflection of the society we live in.
Society always asks “WHAT DO I GET OUT OF IT?” A Doctor gives assurance of care and treatment, an engineer ensures constant progress towards development and making our lives easier and more convenient, an architect ensures infrastructure development, an accountant comes in handy to handle the most important COMMODITY of our time, MONEY, hence all these and likes of these are of direct help to us (besides their money making potential also) and hence these professions themselves enjoy respect irrespective of the character and nature of the person involved with them, at least prima facie.
Entrepreneurs, Big businessmen, Industrialists etc are respected for their shear monetary worth (besides their capability to help in the form of employment generation, charity etc...).
Even a scientist for that matter is not entitled to our respect till he has patents, inventions or awards (recognizing the utility of his discoveries or inventions) to boast of in his social showcase.
On the other hand an unemployed music composer, singer, actor or a player etc would be looked down upon since neither are they of any direct or indirect help to the society around them nor do they have any monetary worth. But as soon as they hit it big time (singers, actors, players etc...), please understand that these are the same people who were being condemned till yesterday for the lack of their social contribution and credibility, these people would be idealized, they will becomes icons etc... Only because of their associated monetary worth (and the tag along fame).

WHAT WENT WRONG? Continued...

The societies we live in across the nations and continents, beyond the barriers of race, creed or colour throughout the planet irrespective of their geographical location have laid their foundation on one principle question “WHAT DO I GET OUT OF IT?” .That is this question “WHAT DO I GET OUT OF IT?” is the principle guiding force or the intention behind the action or the motivation behind a decision. And this is precisely from where the two gigantic decision makers of our own lives are born namely UTILITY & PURPOSE.
Let us exemplify the situation. Please understand that from its very inception societies across time, location and civilizations have been a “CONSORTIUM OF CONVENIENCE” (let us analyze from the very beginning the birth and development of the society) that is, “I will do the farming, you do cloth making, he will take care of pottery, she will take care of the cattle rearing, these guys will go for hunting etc etc...”. One man or one family alone cannot do all these diverse functions but the society or the “CONSORTIUM OF CONVENIENCE” ensures that every person is put to some use in the social fabric to achieve in effect convenience for all. So if a person is farming he is contributing food to the society he is worthy of respect because there is no life without food, if a person is hunting or rearing cattle he is again providing for THE MOST valuable commodity to the society of those times & he is worthy of all the praise and respect. But if a person is engaged in pottery making he is not providing the society with THE MOST essential commodity of that time that is FOOD and hence is not worthy of a similar cadre of respect.
With time farming became common place and food was not as big a worry as it used to be (in early and developmental period of human society) man also acquired the art of manipulating its surroundings by making canals and irrigation networks. Hence farming is no more DIFFICULT or HARD TO ACHIEVE but as the societies grew so did their greed of amassing resources and exploiting their neighbours and hence SOCIAL SECURITY became a matter of concern. From that era arose the WARRIORS who gave to the society of that time THE MOST essential commodity then SOCIAL SECURITY and hence archers, sword fighters, warriors and thus KINGS arose from them who took the position of most respected from the hunters and the farmers.
With time we evolved into a social structure of present day where food and social security (and other basic necessities) could be taken for granted provided one had the MEANS to obtain them and that MEANS to obtaining everything right from basic necessities of food, clothing and shelter to the absurd superfluities of designer wear and 5 star cocktails became MONEY. And hence farmers, hunters, soldiers and kings all were moved aside and the new mantle of respect and awe was given to money or the people who could make money (and to some extent to people who directly contributed to our well being and could play a vital role in times of dire needs e.g. Doctors Etc...).
So now it is easy for us to understand that why Surgeon’s, a CEO’s and entrepreneurs are looked unto with respect and an unemployed youth or a person doing a PhD in Sanskrit is looked down upon because neither is going to be directly helpful to us (like a doctor etc...) nor either has the money making capacity of an entrepreneur or a CEO.

WHAT WENT WRONG?

So now we come back to ourselves as individuals and get busy working on us to get answers and enjoy solutions.
INNATE INTELLIGENCE is pure and perfect by its very nature and SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE is an absolute necessity!!! Then from where has this pile of negativity garbage arisen in us???
So what went wrong? , where did it go wrong? And how did it go wrong?
The answer to “where did it go wrong?” is pretty straight forward and simple. It obviously went wrong in the SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE division of ours since INNATE INTELLIGENCE is pure and incorruptible by its very nature.
Memory & social etiquette's. Understanding, adoption and living of social customs and traditions and the shining jewel in the crown, language (to help us express ourselves to the outer world, to interact, to communicate and express ourselves) are all the various facets of SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE. Such is the diversity, necessity and multiplicity of function of social intelligence that all we know and experience about ourselves and the world around us is only via media social intelligence. But social intelligence, as we have now come to understand, is an implanted accessory into the MIND-BODY ORGANISAM of ours to enable us to fit into the social set up structure. Hence it is oriented towards moulding and fitting us into the social set up rather than taking care of our own personal growth and fulfilment. That is SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE is an accessory implanted into our MIND-BODY ORGANISAM to make us socially useful and productive, to ensure the welfare and sustenance of society, to ensure an orderly and smooth functioning of the society.
Please understand INNATE INTELLIGENCE is yours (individual based) and works for you, for your fulfilment as opposed to the (implanted) SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE which is of the society and works for the society (community based). Let us be very clear that there is nothing wrong with the SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE itself, it is an important tool for social coexistence, mutual harmony, beautiful relationships etc... What is wrong is the importance given to it and its handling by us.
A few examples would help us dissect separate and delineate the differences between the seemingly closely intermingled intelligentsia's (INNATE & SOCIAL).
If we were to meet a doctor, an engineer or a businessman we look up to them with respect on the other hand we look down upon an unemployed youth, we look down upon people pursuing non-professional streams of education.
Why? Why should it be so?
An unemployed youth is not taking anything from us, a person pursuing a PhD in Sanskrit is not asking us pay for his living expenses then why do we look down upon them?
Why don’t we look up to them with the same awe and respect as that of a Surgeon, a CEO or an entrepreneur?

BACK FROM THE INTERLUDE

So we have gone around the globe, for that matter the entire universe, and seen a number of basic, principle laws in action, various possibilities and definitions. But all this intergalactic cosmic wandering brings us back to our own planet and the pending (and yet unanswered) question of UTILITY & PURPOSE. The “what do I get out of reading and knowing all this?” “How does my life change by knowing all this mumbo-jumbo?” is still hankering around in our minds. Let us understand it in a step wise fashion.
If a child were to burn his hands with a matchstick fire and was told by his parents that “matchstick is dangerous it burns” ( instead of fire) then he will have repeated burning experiences sometimes with gas fire, sometime with coal fire, sometime with lantern fire etc etc... Till he gets burnt by every single type and variety of fire the potential for another accident (burning incident) is just waiting around the corner. Instead of being taught that “fire is dangerous it burns” he has been wrongly taught that “matchstick or candle or lantern is dangerous”. Just the right knowledge “fire is dangerous it burns” is enough; he need not even suffer a single experience of burning, to confer him the understanding to save himself from burns.
Similarly this basic knowledge, this insight into the functioning of the universe and our own selves becomes the right knowledge (like “fire is dangerous it burns”) incorporated in our system and hence saves us from an uncountable plenty of unpleasant experiences that could have come our way due to our own ignorance and lack of understanding of them (just like the incomplete and incorrect knowledge that “matchstick is dangerous it burns”, instead of fire).So herein lies the UTILITY of this knowledge.
The PURPOSE on the other hand is still better. When applied in our lives (and not just read and contemplated upon) it has the potential to open up an abundance of previously unknown and unheard of vistas of new possibilities in our own lives and with this “new found self” we would be free to challenge our boundaries and self-imposed limitations, chase new dreams and accomplish previously deemed impossible goals.

AVAILABILITY OF CHOICES

This new understanding about the cosmic blue print and its functioning in our “MIND-BODY ORGANISM” amply clarifies the two previously made statements (under the heading THE MORE OBVIOUS APPLICATION).
LIFE, AS IT IS, IS OUR OWN CHOICE.
AND
THERE IS A POSSIBILITY TO GO EITHER WAY EVERY SINGLE MOMENT
Let us put to test these two theorems in the more practical and real life of Susan who is suffering intensely after being cheated by Craig.
For this we would require to dissect the possible past of both (Susan & Craig) and then come back straightaway the present situation of heartbreak. Also noteworthy is the fact that we would be analyzing the situations and people from Susan’s perspective (who is a representative of our own self). So the possibility exists that Craig was not a very reliable or responsible person from the very beginning and Susan deliberately choose to ignore the hints and vibes from her INNATE INTELLIGENCE about him. May be due to some vested interests such as fulfillment of her ego upon being associated with Craig (who may have been the coolest kid on the block, so to say).in that case it is her OWN CHOICE that is making her suffer. If we choose play with fire we cannot complain when we get burns, getting burns is an inherent possibility of playing with fire it is understood without being spoken. Similarly cheating is an inherent prospect of a relationship with an infidel person. So it is Susan herself who is to blame for this situation of heartbreak and suffering today rather than Craig, since this was coming from day 1 of their relationship but she purposefully choose to turn a blind eye towards it because of involvement of “fulfilment of her ego”.(LIFE, AS IT IS, IS OUR OWN CHOICE).
Now there also exists another possibility, that Craig was a genuinely nice person when Susan first met him and this pleasantness of his drew Susan to him guided by her INNATE INTELLIGENCE and reception of good vibes. But somewhere down the line corruption occurred in his (Craig’s) inner world which culminated into today’s situation. Now it is totally up to Susan to either decide to forgive Craig for this isolated incidence of infidelity, forget this incident and move on with this relationship OR to dump him (Craig), forget this incident and move on in her life OR to continue hanging on to this incident by making a replica of it in her MEMORY and continue suffering incessantly, either with or without Craig in her life.
So life has given all these variety of options to Susan from being free of Craig and the suffering of the incident to hanging on to both (Craig & suffering) OR being with Craig and letting go of suffering etc... (THERE IS A POSSIBILITY TO GO EITHER WAY EVERY SINGLE MOMENT).
It is she who has to make a choice this moment and hence decide upon the nature, course and quality of the moments to follow (or the future).