The confluence

The confluence

We began our generic talk titled “order, chaos and control” two posts ago on the footing of contrast …… stating ……
“The universe it seems loves contrasts and very tightly intertwines polarities be it an atom with electrons, protons and neutrons or be it galaxies, stars and the planetary systems within them, tightly strung (to perfection like guitar strings) by the opposing forces of gravity and centrifugal force.”
But then we swayed away from the generics of the universe into the specifics of personal interpretations, priorities and perceptions.
Maslow’s pyramid helped us appreciate as to why is it that different people perceive things differently.
Why is it that the answer to the questions like “who am I?”, “what is the purpose and nature of this universe?” might be the singular pressing urgencies in one person’s life. On the other hand they may be viewed plainly as futile psychological abstractions by another person.
Though the Maslow’s pyramid offered a wonderful window into the human conditioning and psyche it would be noteworthy to point out that it is not an absolute concept, just like any other concept.
And life offers stark examples to shake up the pyramids credibility. It is filled with examples of Kabir, Raidas, Jesus, Ramkrishna Paramhans, Al hillaj Mansoor, Tulsidas, Valmiki etc who had little if any means to get by in life. According to Maslow they would be at the bottom of the pyramid i.e. Biological and Physiological needs or at the Safety needs when rated at an exaggerated best and yet they have all attained a self-fulfillment, a personal growth and a peak experience humanly possible and gone further beyond.
Life it seems is repeatedly reminding that it is more specific than generici.e. even though theories and ideologies are good pointers to the path they themselves are not the path.

So what then is the path?

Paradox and contrast………………

The human mind drugged by its sense of rationality wants to see clear cut patterns and pictures and in its attempt to do so it willfully and skillfully ignores a lot only to observe and absorb that which conforms to its preconceived notions.

And that is precisely why the question ……. The question about finality of life …..The question about life’s purpose………The question about the path and the goal…….

Who is asking all this????

Is it the self ….the self that is ….the primal substratum of existence??

Is it the self, the singularity, that was prior to the big bang and then started out with the big bang becoming the chaotic soup of nebulous gases then molding itself into stars, galaxies and planets and then from the seemingly dead chemicals aggregating itself in remarkably calculated proportions with a rather unimaginable synchronicity to become alive. Single cellular, to multi cellular, to amphibians, to reptiles, birds, mammals and finally the ones who are writing and reading this on their computer screen.
Is that self asking questions?? And if so then to whom is it posing these questions??

Or is it something implanted upon it, something extraneous that asks the questions (the mind)???

And this is the point of confluence of all that has been discussed till now…….

That there is a deeper intelligence operational within us like every other living being and the so called non-living thing is amply obvious.
The heart continues to produce its own electrical impulses and converts it into an extremely precise and synchronized mechanical activity called the cardiac cycle in every beat (which takes pages upon pages of explanation in physiology text books to understand). The lungs effortlessly function to remove the accumulated carbon dioxide and refresh the body with oxygen with each breath. Stomach and the intestines breakdown the complex food stuffs we intake into the required essentials and absorb and assimilate them. The eyes are continuously sending electrical impulses to the brain which then interprets it as images. There is no real image anywhere; it’s just an interpretation or translation of electrical activity occurring on the retina by the optic lobes of the brain (beauty truly does lie in the eyes or more correctly optic lobes of the beholder). The ears are sending in compressions and rarefactions of air (the sound vibrations) as electrical signals that are then translated into meaningful words and sentences by the auditory lobe of the brain. So on and so forth with each and every organ, organ system, sense and the entire body. From the seemingly dead nails and hair to the infinitely complex brain (with its 86-100 billion neurons and around 0.15 quadrillion synapses) there seems to be an all pervasive intelligence that is functioning despite of us. That is to say that we have little if any say in our physiological functioning; and hence essentially life.

So it seems that there are two entities functional in this human body of ours,

1> The real primal intelligence that actually orchestrates the functioning of this extremely complex body and maintains life as we know it.

2> Something else that has little or no say in the “real life” and hence weaves an illusory web of control derived from a “reaction to the is’ness of life”

Order, Chaos and Control (continued...)

Order, Chaos and Control (continued...)


The two points of views are drastically different……so different are they that a mere inception (a deep conscious and subconscious acceptance as the truth, the obvious reality) of the second organic view point has the capacity to drastically alter the life perceptions instantaneously.

It is quite (the second organic view point) contrary to our routine belief which is mostly agnostic (inability to interpret sensations and hence to recognize things) and somnolent (sleep of intelligible mind) in regards to clearly identifying “Us”.
The quintessential “who am I?”, “what is the purpose and nature of this universe?” are viewed plainly as futile psychological abstractions in the face of more pressing realities of earning the daily bread and paying the monthly bill.
But for what? if only one may pause for a moment and ask himself.

For what am I earning the daily bread and paying the monthly bill?

To continue doing the same for another month, year or a lifetime (till death comes and presses the stop button of this mundane drag that we call life) ?

The infinitely brilliant orchestration of unimaginable number of events that took place from the big bang (13.8 billion years ago) forwards till this date to bring this Me into being in this here and now was for this?? (earning the daily bread and paying the monthly bill)???

It seems like a crazy universe that after so much deliberation in creation has ended up creating a creature that spends his early years preparing, for earning a bread (so called schooling and higher education), then is spent during his most productive years running from pillar to post actually earning the bread only to be finally awaiting his turn to part from this planet still worrying about the bread as long as he is alive.

(The bread here signifies not just food or basic necessities but also the insatiable list of desires that continuously haunt our being)
Or is it that the creature has got it all mixed up and wrong??

Could it be that the human being is missing the obvious amidst the deafening clamor of the so called necessity??

Could it be that the obvious is hidden from the plain site because of its being so blatantly obvious??

There is nothing wrong with driving a Ferrari at 20 kmph in busy traffic conditions but it certainly is madness to believe that the Ferrari can do only 20kmph because you have been driving it at that speed only (maybe because of the traffic conditions you are subjecting it to)

Similarly there is nothing wrong with earning the daily bread and paying the monthly bill but it is nothing short of insanity to believe that it is the finality of life.

So what exactly is the finality of life??

Though a good question it does not have a singular answer.

And Abraham Maslow explains it quite well as to why is it so



Maslow stratifies human beings depending upon their principal needs and desires i.e. from plain physiological and biological to more moral and spiritual. A persons chief or most pressing or most important need or desire puts him in a certain strata of Maslow's pyramid as follows.

1. Biological and Physiological needs - air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, sleep.

2. Safety needs - protection from elements, security, order, law, limits, stability, freedom from fear.

3. Social Needs - belongingness, affection and love, - from work group, family, friends, romantic relationships.

4. Esteem needs - achievement, mastery, independence, status, dominance, prestige, self-respect, respect from others.

5. Self-Actualization needs - realizing personal potential, self-fulfillment, seeking personal growth and peak experiences.

So the answer to this question (of the finality of life) varies from person to person depending upon where exactly is he located in the Maslow’s pyramid.
To each according to his own capacity, moving into the next strata of the pyramid seems like the finality.

Maslow states “One must satisfy lower level basic needs before progressing on to meet higher level growth needs. Once these needs have been reasonably satisfied, one may be able to reach the highest level called self-actualization.”

And he defines self actualization as “realizing personal potential, self-fulfillment, seeking personal growth and peak experiences.”

And this is where we begin, self-fulfillment, seeking personal growth and peak experiences.

Our questioning of the finality in (of) life arises from the pinnacle of Maslow’s pyramid and takes us beyond. Metaphorically it frees us from the geometric confines of name and form identities of the limited mind (like the confines of the Maslow’s pyramid) and expands us in the domain of nameless and formless infinity.

Order, Chaos and Control

Order, Chaos and Control

The universe it seems loves contrasts and very tightly intertwines polarities be it an atom with electrons, protons and neutrons or be it galaxies, stars and the planetary systems within them, tightly strung (to perfection like guitar strings) by the opposing forces of gravity and centrifugal force. On one hand chemistry via its laws of thermodynamics observes that "the second law of thermodynamics says that entropy always increases with time".
Entropy being defined as “often interpreted as the degree of disorder or randomness in the system”.

Implying that with time disorderliness should increase within any system unless acted upon by an external agent
but the contrary is true for our universe which seems to be becoming more and more organized with time. From the chaotic soup of nebulous gases to stars, galaxies and planets and then from chemicals to life forms (the seemingly dead chemicals aggregating themselves in remarkably calculated proportions with a rather unimaginable synchronicity to become alive) single cellular, to multi cellular, to amphibians, to reptiles, birds, mammals and finally the one who is reading this on his/her computer screen. A long journey of continuous refinement is before us. The inability to see the activity of an immense rather infinite intelligence to change the gaseous nebulae and star dust into us requires tremendous depth of agnosia (inability to interpret sensations and hence to recognize things) and somnolence (sleep of intelligible mind).
This infinite intelligence that has brought us forth to being from the intangible big bang has constantly used opposing forces to shape this universe as it is.
And it would do us good to see ourselves NOT in the universe but as the extensions of universe itself (as that is the only case anyways). How can we be “in the universe”???
Are we like live fishes dropped into a dead and unintelligent aquarium of universe from outside ?? (and if so how?, who did it?)
Or
Are we like the fruit that emerges from the slow, extremely orchestrated and a highly organized growth process of a seed(again paradoxically containing the seed within)
The two points of views are drastically different……so different are they that a mere inception (a deep conscious and subconscious acceptance as the truth, the obvious reality) of the second organic view point has the capacity to drastically alter the life perceptions instantaneously.
To be continued.....

Work Life Balance Continued

Work Life Balance
Continued

In the comments section my friend expresses his concern about the ongoing topic of discussion that is “work life balance”. Of the many words he uses I have singled out a line that is of deep significance …..
“The lower n middle level management guys can only dream of a day when they actually get to live a day without some part of their mind constantly engrossed in work related thoughts.”

This is deeply significant ……the words highlighted as bold appear exactly in the middle of the paragraph and these lines are almost a watershed gate between two distinct thought patterns arising within the paragraph.

The first half comprises of denial (that it is impossible to achieve the balance at his current position, maybe at too junior or too senior a position but not exactly where he is)

The second half comprises of justification as to why it is so. The justification arrives immediately after the “their mind constantly engrossed in work related thoughts.” Line, with evidence being bolstered up from outside world reality.
This whole paragraph shows 2 things

1> That at some deep and subconscious level my friend is aware of the fact that most of what we call and perceive as reality is nothing but a thought process in our head (evidenced by those highlighted lines)

2> But this awareness of the power of his own mind to alter the perceptions of reality is buried out of reach under denial and forcibly locked away out of reach by the lock of justifications.

So the question arises “what can be done about it?”

And at this juncture it would be prudent to differentiate the approach or point of view towards life between the “linear – algorithmic” version and the “The urban ascetic version”.

The “linear – algorithmic” version is more chemical (chemistry intended/implied), the “The urban ascetic version” is Alchemical.
The “linear – algorithmic” version attempts to react with the surroundings, preserve itself as it is and alter the other (people, conditions, environment, and situations) it continuously perceives threat from the environment and remains skeptical and rueful about it.

“The urban ascetic version” on the other hand perceives people, conditions, environment, and situations as agents of self-transformation. It responds to all these external agents with respect and inner gratitude for they show him his own deficiencies and hence his own possibilities (post transformation).
So it is with the current topic of work life balance. When one has turned his attention inwards so much so that now no person, no condition, no environment, and no situation is deemed too overpowering or held as an object of blame he is ready for the new point of view.
And it is quite simple …….. comprising of “Mental (non) exercise”, “psychological dieting” and “Mental Hygiene”…….

“Mental Hygiene” is very analogous to the shoe rack at home i.e. we have footwear parked upon it to be worn when we go outside the house and when we come in we put that outside footwear on it and put on the home footwear. Similarly the term “Mental Hygiene” implies the shoe rack of alertness that reminds you that when at home there is no necessity to keep wearing the office thoughts and when leaving for office leave the home thought footwear at home to be picked up upon return.
Of course one would argue about the necessity of ruminating work related thoughts all through the day bolstering evidences from various situations, but if you see it clearly it would be obvious that this necessity arises from a background emotion of fear and hence attempt to control the events.
So herein comes the concept of “psychological dieting”………. Being choosy and frugal about what one thinks. No more junk thinking anything and everything that’s on the news or is happening on the planet restrain yourself to things that actually affect you and are in your control and capacity to bring about a change (your opinion about the war in crimea does not change the situation there nor are the Russians and Ukrainians bothered about it), no more binge of repetitive thought patterns. Just like the dieting with food this is an alert commitment to keeping the number of thoughts to the lowest calorie count possible. Approaching any situation with minimal, simple and effective number of thoughts.

Nice suggestion, but I am a “thought junkie” addicted to this habit of constant and excessive thinking …….

Hence finally the concept of “Mental (non) exercise” unlike the previous two concepts which were almost analogous to their physical counterparts this is almost opposite. This exercise is a sort of non exercise,it requires of you to get off your treadmill of thoughts. It requires one to willingly and with alertness shift his attention from abstractions of thoughts to the more real and organic reality of his breath or heart beat. No need to be hung up in the head all the time there are other body parts too. Be focused upon the beats of your heart, the coming and going of breaths, the tingling aliveness in your palms and feet one at a time.
As it is with the weight reduction and dieting programs to begin with everybody wants a magic pill or a onetime surgery that solves all the problems once and for all without changing our own behavior patterns and dietary habits…….but sooner or later when the determination for change dawns it becomes obvious that all the things that are worthwhile in life are a process requiring a change at the most fundamental level and that is oneself.
“The Urban ascetic” point of view towards things is fundamental too and hence it attempts its alchemy at you rather than reacting with the situation you present.

Work Life Balance

Work Life Balance

The first suggestion received to be subjected to “The Urban Ascetic” view point is from a friend. Let’s discuss “work life balance” (the exact text that he sent). Obvious in these 3 lines is the underlying premise of the questioning or the core belief from which this question has arisen…………
And that is ……..work and life are two different things. So different and in opposition to each other that a balance needs to be struck. Else work may take over life or vice versa life may take over work…….
Life may take over work…….wait a minute …what does that mean?......

The subtle nuances of the mind and the various undercurrents that make it up become obvious only when a word by word dissection of a sentence is done along with the understanding of the underlying implication of each one of those words.
The seemingly innocuous “work life balance” actually implies something very deep operating within each of us i.e. the ego based construct of reality.

Ego implies resistance. Resistance to what is …..Is ego. Of course none of us were born with it. It was gradually implanted within us because of the interplay of two factors.

1> We were very naïve then (as children) and never crosschecked or introspected whatever thought and believes were being dumped upon us. We just assumed them to be the finality because most of them were given to us by people in position of authority in our lives.

2> People in position of authority in our live (and the entire society in general so to say) are/were themselves a part of ego based construct of reality so they themselves did not have anything better to offer.

And once created this ego has stayed with us only because of a singular reason
1 > our unwillingness to check its validity/reality.

And in essence that is exactly what we are attempting to do here. Just checking and trying to ascertain if our current view point of life serves us well or can we try something new ??.

A child is asked to resist failure or poor ranks (inspired to get better grades and leave the rest behind), he is expected to resist his natural inclinations towards play and experimentation (and conform to the prescribed syllabus and time table), he is repeatedly reminded that he as himself is not enough its only when he gets this degree or that job ,that pay check or position (via both subtle and overt programming) he would amount to something……
And it is via these and many many more implanted ideologies of resistance to what is and a sense of not being enough and hence continuously attempting to beautify and glorify the abstract ideological superstructure imposed upon him that the ego is born.
The life blood of ego are two things

1> Resistance to what is (it is an insurance into having a constant and permanent enemy)

2> A constant feeling of “not enough-ness” the need to do something about “what is” to fix it, to make it better because egos premise is that “what is” is never enough it needs to be beautified and glorified with something else, some effort to make it better.

The simple and innocuous 3 liner of “work life balance” has both its egoic components.

1> Choose either work or any other area of life the ego has already created a polarity and will resist whatever it is you do. It has created its constant enemies i.e. if you work it will say you are neglecting your life you are letting the beauty of love and relations be lost in the daily grind of the mundane (it will become a philosopher then). And if you choose to take it easy and be a little laid back the ego will admonish you saying that you are lazy, incompetent, a coward who is hiding behind the family excuse because he is not capable enough to keep up with the competition (it becomes your boss cum pseudo-motivator then).

2> A constant feeling of “not enough-ness” has easily been accomplished now. Since, if you work you will be reminded of loses of precious time and memories at family front and if you take it easy you shall be reminded of how far you could you could have gone and how much more you could have accomplished just like the others (who of course are dumber than you, already have)

It is egos catch 22…………

Who is he?

The Urban Ascetic

Who is he?

He sits beside you , works with you, laughs with you, faces similar trials and tribulations, applauses and allegations, and shares the same physical time-space-reality as yours but a gaze into his eyes would let you know he is in a universe apart………….
His own mind is the jungle, his commitment to himself to finding his own depth, his own self is his sanyas (renunciation), he bears through the emotional weather changes and storms(within him) undeterred, he is continuously attempting to scale and go beyond the mountains of limitations and comfort zones to discover his ever expanding greater self, his refuge is the cave of his belief in himself, his interactions with people give them a glimpse of their own power and capacity, his response to situations illumines the circumstances with love and bliss, he is the self-full ,so merged with the self that the others who perceive him call him selfless.

What is it about?

What is it about?

Like the colors of the rainbow as violet cannot be termed to be more correct than blue and as orange cannot be deemed more optimal than red “The urban ascetic” is one of the multitudes of rainbow color point of views of life.
Yes one can have a preference or affinity for one color greater than the other colors but that does not make the other colors wrong or incorrect or inferior etc they just are……..
And so it is with point of view it just is. If you like it use it, if you don’t then just forget about it and move on.
In our current times there is this tendency towards a linear approach to life where almost everything can be fit into an “if-then-else” kind of an algorithm. Without any negativity pertaining to it or an intention of correcting it (because your love for color blue does not imply your desire to eliminate or “correct” all the other colors it’s just a personal preference) what is being done here Is a gentle proposition of a different point of view towards self and life as a whole.
A more organic perspective of life with a much much lesser emphasis on knowing and more so upon feeling and experiencing.
Knowledge is like a seed it requires the right soil and a multitude of correct conditions to take hold to germinate. Feelings and emotions on the other hand are like saplings and plants (may be even trees depending entirely upon their depth and intensity) within us. They already have a foot hold in our being and are more real to us than any word or statement or assertion.

The urban ascetic’s point of view is multidimensional instead of being linear ……….it’s kind of hard to make sense of as it does not comply with the sensibility of the current simplistic and effective linear “if-then-else” algorithmic point of view.
But is worth looking into as it is not a generic “one size fits all” point of view but a very specific “tailor made to your measurement” point of view. ……….

And herein lays its boon as well as its bane. The boon it offers is a more congenial, a more pleasant, friendly and enjoyable psychological milieu to the individual within himself. A sort of portable “emotional-psychological resort cum retreat” goes with you where ever you go……. A personal portable heaven.

But its bane is its specificity itself …….its “tailor made to your measurement” nature implies your active participation and we have become so used to the “ready to use” , “ the instantaneous”, “the immediate” that the concept of slow organic growth out of which we all and all that is has emerged has become alien to us.
This point of view begins at you, proceeds with you until it has become you.
And so it begins where you are (no matter what that place is)……..by asking you “what is it that you want?” and immediately supplements it with a “why?” i.e. “why do you want whatever it is that you want?”

Answer by answer, thing by thing, person by person, place by place, position by position, situation by situation, layer by layer with your honest and untiring participation it relentlessly keeps asking you “but why do you want it?” until it has cornered you to make you understand, feel and clearly see the point in its next question that is

“What is it that you want to feel in the having of that particular person, position, thing, situation etc …?”

And once one can develop the patience, persistence and stamina to reach up to this question to an extent that this question becomes as pertinent to him/her as the person, position, thing, situation etc that incited this process in the first place he/she has become ready to begin the journey.

The journey of life as “The Urban Ascetic”

THE URBAN ASCETIC SERIES

THE URBAN ASCETIC SERIES

A Happy Birth Day

A Happy Birth Day

At times in life we get so caught up with the specifics of our life situation that the perspective of life itself starts to slip away from our sight. It’s almost like driving in the rush hour…..we get “zombiefied” ….. totally forgetting “why we got in the car?” , “where are we actually headed?” etc we get so consumed by the thought of overtaking this car right in front of us and drifting into the relatively faster moving lane of traffic that the drive becomes an anxiety filled cumbersome drag.
…………….And so we got into the car of life NOT to reach the destination of death cursing the drivers (fellow human beings) along the way, cribbing over situations and circumstances that surround us, dreaming and hallucinating about a utopian future that is just around the corner but never actually comes…….
We got into the car of life for the fun of the ride …..yeah fun of the ride and nothing else…..

What else could it be???

Located in a 13.8 billion year old universe with roughly 200 billion galaxies in the visible universe with each galaxy containing roughly upwards of 400 billion stars. Out in such vastness of the visible universe amidst this colossal numeric aggregation of galaxies is the one we choose to name the Milky Way and contained within its insignificance amidst 400 billion other stars is the one we choose to call the Sun ,orbited by 8 other planets one of which is 4.54 Billion year old Earth. Earth …..home to approximately 5 million (estimated) different flora and fauna species (1.9million exactly identified) of which human beings are just one. And human beings too are roughly 7 billion in number currently, in this sea of exasperating numbers there is this individual you and me and this and that.

Do I really matter …..????

Well maybe not much in this colossal framework but certainly so in my world of much much much limited time, facts, figures and numbers. So the question is “from what perspective am I living my life?”. Is it my own personal perspective or a one I have been indoctrinated into by my socio-cultural environment? Does it feel good to me or am I just carrying it around because that is what was handed unto me and I never bothered to investigate it any further?
And I got an answer to it today…….
Today is my birthday and as the sun rose across the horizon one after the other calls, messages and posts began surrounding me more and more, it made me feel better and better each passing moment until finally an overwhelming sense of gratitude engulfed me. So many people gave their time, love and wishes to me and none of it was my doing ……..it was all freely and willfully given just like this life , air, water etc …..that life had happened to me and was lovingly taking care of me and that I had become absent to this miracle.
That I had become “Zombiefied” in the pursuit of delusive tomorrows even as the grains of now and today slipped past my fingers…….
I had forgotten that I was here for the fun of the ride…….not to be, do or have anything at the cost of my feeling good.
Of course an argumentative mind can illustrate and elaborate the brilliance of effort and hard work etc and belittle the need to just feel good as wishy – washy nonsense but the abstractions of argument do not stand anywhere against the reality of feelings and emotions, nothing is more real and personal to an individual than his feelings and emotions…….logical arguments on the other hand most if not all are borrowed ideas from the collective socio-cultural conditioning. So “on the real barometric scale of emotions how do I measure up?” that is the perspective I am talking about ……..
Living a life of feeling good and doing Then whatever needs to be done instead of wasting the life in doing this or that, achieving that and more and continuously postponing the “feeling good” feeling until after this one thing and that one more accomplishment.
I got my perspective today and it is “I just want to feel good (like I did today) because feeling good feels so good”
Indeed it’s a very happy birth day ……a new perspective is a new person, a new me, a new you.

Anchored in this broad point of view of transience and ephemeral nature of things, conscious of the blessings bestowed by this infinite intelligence in the form of life and more, driven only by a sense of further expansion, feeling light, feeling blissful……. I shall glide across life moment to moment…..

BUT WHY ?? 4

From this place of lightness and clarity I feel myself honestly ….. cherish myself lovingly…..and trust myself absolutely.

And then I ask……….

“What is it that I want?” ……………….

Interestingly though I did not ask “who am I ?” as the first and foremost question …….
Which actually set forth this entire discussion (an inner journey of sorts) into motion because it seems irrelevant ……..so obvious that it seems almost out of context here .
Even though I am still at a loss to offer a verbal or locution (based) mediated definition using words to clearly identify myself...... my sense of self is in an overwhelming “eureka moment”.

So I may not have the precise equation to convey the idea or feeling to anyone else but in this flash of brilliance I know ….. clearly, deeply and absolutely who am I !!!!

So the relevant question now is not “who am I ?” rather “What is it that I want?”

BUT WHY ?? 3

Okay …..sounds plausible …..but what if all of this is put together at once (i.e. body, sensory perceptions, thoughts, feelings, emotions) would that not be me ???

Of course with such a bombardment of inputs and so many processes (i.e. body, sensory perceptions, thoughts, feelings, and emotions) running independently and interdependently it would seem difficult not to identify with the entire process as me. Especially when stakes are involved…..
But what if I for a moment step back from the stakes ……no need to dub them as real or unreal …… just stepping back …….. It’s like saying to oneself

“I will not be siding with the outcomes …..let me see what happens …. I am open to anything …… I am not invested into this story of my life for the (say like) next 1 hour or 0.5 hrs.”

This singular (honest) thought of disinvestment from the story of my life is a phenomenon ally liberating step. Simultaneously synchronized with the taking of this decision is an instantaneous feeling of Freedom and Upliftment.
So I look at myself, my condition, my environment, my circumstances etc …..everything about me as I would look at someone else ….a total stranger (not even a family member, friend, relative or an acquaintance as we are very much invested in them and hardly ever see them as they are)….in a very detached ….. disinvested manner.

Having stepped back from the stakes ……. Becoming disinvested from the current “story of my life” ……. Something very strange is experienced…..
Everything seems to be happening …..the bodily processes….the sensory perceptions….thoughts…feelings and emotions……all of it seems to be happening of itself. The tight and defensive grip of “I ness” seems to loosen and probably that is what is felt as a whiff of freedom and upliftment .
It is from this vantage point of clarity that I can come to know myself not otherwise. As would be seen and experienced from this liberating position that in a state of identification with the “story of my life” and all its ingredients (i.e. body, sensory perceptions, thoughts, feelings, and emotions) I am actually operating from merely a psychosocial conditioning implanted unto me by my socio-cultural environment (family, school, college, work place, peers, media, society in general)
Other than the body and its processes and sensory perceptions everything else begins to feel alien. All the unnecessary burden of do’s and don’ts, should’s and shouldn’ts , desires and fears, aspirations and sense of stagnation….. vaporizes into nothingness.
From this place of lightness and clarity I feel myself honestly ….. cherish myself lovingly…..and trust myself absolutely.

BUT WHY ?? 2

At this juncture let us begin with what is within the ambit of our own personal experience and not what has been hosed down our guts by both science and religion.
“Who” precisely I may not know (i.e. I may not be able to give a verbal or locution mediated definition using words)……but that “I exist” that much is my experience for sure and it doesn’t require any scientific or religious validation.

I exist I am told since my birth…..okay …….. So where was I before my so called birth?? And where would I then be after my so called death???

My existence is a constant experience even when I am unaware of my body such as in dream and deep sleep…….

So I can come to safely assume that this feeling of “I ness”, my existence, though is deeply associated with the body in waking state is not the finality of me.

I cannot say that I am the sensory perceptions (sight, sound, smell, taste, touch) the thoughts or the feelings as they are too fleeting in nature and besides they too are experienced by someone who is aware of them as well as their alterations …..i.e. in deep sleep I do not experience sensory perceptions, thoughts and emotions and yet I exist….
So sensory perceptions, thoughts, feelings and emotions too cannot be my finality…….

Okay …..sounds plausible …..but what if all of this is put together at once (i.e. body, sensory perceptions, thoughts, feelings, emotions) would that not be me ???

BUT WHY ?? 1

But why these questions in the first place???

“Why should I go through all this botheration don’t I already have enough???”

“What does all this lead up to??” and these are perfect questions …… one may call them the “questions of premise”….as they have within them (hidden) the capacity to alter the premise of life ……. The core point of view that compels us to persist with this existence despite so many complaints, unfulfilled desires, fears, doubts and the endless barrage of negativities such as boredom, listlessness, frustration etc .
Yes these negative emotions and experiences are interspersed with occasional bouts of joy, exhilaration, achievement, freedom, love etc but the ratio seems too unfairly skewed to continue existing and yet we all manage to persist existing , to continue…….

So what is it that makes us continue …… is it hope? And hope for what? And by whom? i.e. who is hoping and for what ??

So all this seems to build up again towards those unanswerable questions (these questions are actually techniques or psychological tools for a sincere seeker)
“who am I ?”

“what is all this (the entire phenomenon of time, space, matter and energy)?”

“When and where did it all begin?”

“Where do I fit into all of this (if at all)?”

Finally
“Do I and all this (the entire phenomenon of time, space, matter and energy) have any purpose ?”

“If so then what?”

THE CRITICAL JUNCTURE

…….And this is a very critical juncture …can I define my “current Psychological location” precisely or Not??? Because it is at this conflux …it is at this juncture that two very distinct paths arise.
As for the one who can clearly define his/her “current Psychological location” the proverb “well begun is half done” suits aptly but for the one who is struggling to define his “current Psychological location” it would be apt to use the proverb “better late than never”.
This juncture is a very critical one as it is here that the religions are born ……..philosophies sprout…… disciplines germinate …….techniques are invented……
The juncture where the answer to the question is in a clear cut binary form ……..black or white without any shades of grey …. And the question is
Can I define my “current Psychological location” precisely??

There can only be a yes or a no to this question for an answer maybe’s have absolutely no place over here…..
For those who have said a YES to it and are in a position to clearly define their “current Psychological location” precisely only one (rather two) more question needs to be asked and that is
“Do you like it there where you are?” If the answer to this question is Yes then we need to put a full stop to this conversation by saying “great …..enjoy it…. and continue feeling the way you do now and follow this feeling ….allow it to lead you to all your decisions and actions”
But if the answer to this question is a No then one final question needs to be asked “Then where would you rather be in your psychological universe? i.e. how would you like to feel?..........what feelings would you want to feel within you?”
Love, joy, bliss, freedom, worthiness, capability …….etc
But why these questions in the first place???

“Current Psychological location”

So before we begin our journey ….this exploration into the unknown it would be of value for the writer to define his location …….. his "current Psychological location".
{The word Psychological here encompasses the “nature of thoughts in the mind”, “general background feeling” and “the baseline emotional state” one is experiencing}.

And this defining of “current Psychological location” is of immense value even from the point of view of something that was written 4 years ago….. “Relationships”. The blog had come to a halt at his topic 4 years ago and now life seems to be seamlessly synthesizing all of it together.
We had spoken about relationships as a part of our universal desire for expansion …..as something requiring a psychological bridge between two people…… and here is the interesting thing ….

Why at times this psychological bridge gets broken?

Or

Why at times it is so hard to establish a psychological bridge to begin with?

And the answer lies in the “current Psychological location” …….
So let us begin with examining this terminology of “current Psychological location”.
The word current implies the Now ……this moment ….it’s here …now it’s gone….it’s here …now it’s gone….it’s here …now it’s gone….it’s here …now it’s gone….it’s here …now it’s gone….Yes this minutest of the perceptible moment of time…Now.

Depending upon the keenness of their awareness Now might imply a second, a minute, an hour, a day, a week or a month etc to different people. The keenness of awareness being inversely proportional to the time duration i.e. more heightened is the awareness the smaller would be the unit of time that Now implies to an individual.

The word Psychological encompasses the “nature of thoughts in the mind”, “general background feeling” and “the baseline emotional state” that one is experiencing.

And location intimates a clear cut understanding of one’s present position in the world of thoughts, feelings and emotions.
So an example of “current Psychological location” would be.....

Since past week (time period) I am feeling depressed (emotion) with these thoughts of failure and powerlessness (thoughts) and this makes me feel all the more resentful of the situation (feelings about the situation and emotion)

Or

I am feeling elated (emotion) of late (time period) and have these creative thoughts running all over my mind (thoughts) it makes me feel so alive and enthusiastic (feelings about the situation and emotion)

Who is it ?

When the writer is writing this who is he talking to?? And this strangely is a very difficult question. In this exploration as previously said ,“It’s not that the writer conjures up a writing ……instead the writing is conjuring up what is called as a writer……”, there is not a pinch of certainty; the uncertain is delving into the unknown . So in essence it could also be stated that the writer is talking to himself. Self is the keyword here. Something on the periphery has become interested to find out the core. A spoke on the periphery wants to know its hub. But the paradox or irony of the situation is that in talking to himself (loudly) the writer is talking to everyone else. As no matter how apart or oppositely aligned various spokes of a wheel maybe….. at their core they are held together by one single hub alone. 4 years later and despite the maddening current of a variety of experiences the writer still finds the premise of “self integrity”, integrating oneself completely with oneself without a miniscule of contradiction, as relevant. In fact the experience of the past years has rather infused conviction to his thought of “self integrity”. And hence we begin with the question we began 4 years ago “why do I feel so scattered?”……. “Why is there not a singular stream of thought and feeling within me?”……. “Why should I be thinking and feeling thoughts within me that are contradictory to my own dreams and desires?”…….. And the answer to all these questions could be explored from the point of view of reaching to the hub of self. Everything is alright but “who am I?” to begin with. I want to clearly delineate my self. Who is it that dreams the dreams? …….who is it that chases the desires? Who is it who fears the fears?...... “who is it who asks “who am I?””

River, Bridge or something else altogether

Nearly 4 years have passed now; much water must have flown under the bridge. The writer must have changed the written then is bound to change……..but wait “much water must have flown under the bridge”…….the bridge remains the same. So here is an interesting question now, am I the bridge?? or the river that flows underneath?? and it is of value to know clearly which one of it is me as the difference is drastic. Though subject to change both the bridge and the river are the rapidity of rate of change of one (the river) makes the other look almost changeless. So who am I? Am I the river of constantly and rapidly changing experiences? Or Am I the seemingly changeless observer (bridge) that is aware of all this as it is happening? Or Is this analogy of the river and bridge too insufficient to encompass the human condition?

Return to the beginning

But why come back to what was left unattended for four years? To be honest it is beyond the writer …….. He goes onto a certain trip... experiences something and comes back to reflect upon it in the form of a writing and suddenly life takes him up for another ride (“suddenly” is not an appropriate word and this entire line demands an explanation lengthy enough for a few posts, as it is suggestive of life being different from the living ….. but just to avoid swaying away from the core issue we would accept it as it is for now) and now while he is on the ride …….he is on the ride …..he is not reflecting about the ride…life anyways offers roller coaster type rides but with the only difference that unlike the roller coaster (and more like the bus or train) one does not get down where he got on ……it’s a different place. His vantage point has changed and with that in all probability he has changed??? Now he wants to explore ……… Explore what happened and this is different from reflection ….. Reflection has a fixed “Reflector” the one who is reflecting….. But this exploration is different …..it springs forth from uncertainty and delves into uncertainty it does not have any element of placid certainty of reflection …. It’s not that the writer conjures up a writing ……instead the writing is conjuring up what is called as a writer…..

RELATIONSHIPS...4

Business minded or more subtle (adding beauty and richness to life) both approaches have at their heart a “desire for more” a desire for EXPANSION and this desire for expansion is a fundamental desire the cause behind all causes of “desire for more” the one single whip that keeps whipping us into constant action throughout our lives, making us do whatever we do, behave the way we behave, think the way we think etc… in essence it is the engine of the automobile of life.
EXPANSION is a very natural cosmic event or order. Big bang set it off 15 Billion years ago and since then there has been no looking back the universe is expanding at an unimaginable pace, parts of it at the speed of light. The gaseous masses expand and coalesce to become stars. The rivers (tributaries) expand by joining a larger river which in turn expands by joining the ocean. Everything in this universe is growing (& of course aging and dying), so are the human beings according to the cosmic blue print, but their growth is to occur on two planes.
The obvious physical plane and the more sublime (so to say) metaphysical plane. The growth on the physical plane is a pre-programmed fully automated process and neither requires any of our contribution nor does it bother about our consensus. But the growth on the metaphysical plane, should more aptly be called as development, is completely dependent upon our insight and action, it is an open uninitiated program waiting to be custom developed.
This process of internal development following the cosmic blue print is EXPANSION driven. That is the process of metaphysical growth is a process of expansion and relationships are its spring boards to dive into the sea of expansion. The external physical world around us nothing more than lay out generated by our internal world for its own development and expansion. Every person, situation, event and relation is opportunity passing by us any or all of them can be used by us so as to contribute to our own inner growth. But we have just been doing the opposite all along.
We stay outside the entire time holding finely cut pieces of glass which are our counterfeits to the real diamonds. That is, we act as if we are loving, caring, friendly and intimate, but this is just an act and not a reality it is a very superficial enactment with no substance from within because we have never bothered to look into the within. We all very clearly know that ours are counterfeits (glass instead of diamonds) but our inner search for expansion, for the real has driven us crazy by now because till now we have always responded to these paroxysms of inner search (inner, metaphysical development) in all the wrong directions searching knowledge, degrees, awards, certificates, wealth, fame, love, fulfilling relationships always on the outside. So this craziness of ours makes us believe that what the other is carrying are diamonds and the other person is no different from us he/she in his/her craziness sees us in possession of diamonds. Two people with counterfeits of the real diamonds (love, care, sensitivity, friendliness and intimacy) blinded by their craziness, become absolutely certain that the other is in possession of the real thing, the original diamonds. Sooner than later the truth dawns upon both the parties that the other like themselves is in possession of only beautiful glass pieces (acts of loving, caring, friendliness, sensitivity and intimacy) and not diamond and this is a shattering revelation. All romance comes to an end and bitterness fills every nook and cranny of life both parties blame the other for cheating them when the truth is that their own craziness has cheated themselves.
But for a person responding to the pangs of inner expansion with utter sincerity every person, situation, event and relation is an opportunity to share and expand. He has responded to his pangs of expansion with honesty and directed his attention inwards and he has realized that he does not possess a diamond or two instead within him is an inexhaustible diamond mine which not only defies the laws of ordinary economics rather behaves exactly opposite to them. The ordinary laws of economics say that if we give we are left with lesser than we had and if we go on giving we would soon be left with nothing. But the diamond mine of true love, care, sensitivity, friendliness and intimacy goes on expanding and increasing itself the more we spend it, in fact it shrinks and begins to disappear if we don’t spend its diamonds and securely confine them to ourselves alone. For such a person the other exists only for the joy of sharing, for giving. And when two such inner billionaires meet life becomes a dance of joy each wants to share himself with the other because he has so much and it is uncontainable and both exist not to take anything but to give everything.

RELATIONSHIPS...3

We understand that relationships are a psychological bridge between people, we also understand their two components (mental and emotional), but now it’s time to take a step further and ask ourselves a very fundamental root shaking question.
Why do we need relationships? Are relationships a real necessity in our lives?
The relationships consume so much of our energy and emotions are they worth all this?
The answer to all these questions can be a YES or it can be a NO depending on what is that we are looking for in our lives !!!!!!
So let us begin with the NO. No relationships are not at all necessary if we are interested in leading a utilitarian robotic life. No relationships are not worth the time, energy and emotion we pump into them, if we are interested in a business like investment is to return ratio from relationships.
On the other hand if we are one of those who are interested in living a life filled with sweetness, joy and self-expansion then relationships are a necessity. But still there is another paradox here, that if we enter a relationship with a want or a desire (no matter how gross or how subtle) we would find all relationships unworthy and unfulfilling.
So a PARADOX appears and the paradox is that relationships are worthwhile only for those who are looking for sweetness, joy and self-expansion and not for business minded people bothered about investment is to return ratios, but even those who plunge into a relationship with the idea of obtaining sweetness, joy and self-expansion from a relationship in their life will find it unworthy and unfulfilling sooner or later just like the business minded people do from the very beginning.
This paradox is no ordinary paradox it is a window into another world, a portal to another dimension and hence an insight into it is very important. Looked at casually the paradox implies that all relationships shall sooner or later become unworthy and unfulfilling no matter what is our initial approach to them, but a diving into its depth opens up an entirely new dimension of existence.